Questionable Commentary

The A-Holes in IT Relent for Two Freaking Seconds

2007-03-30T12:57:00.001-07:00

Our tech monkeys apparently hit the wrong button this morning, and "de-restricted" all blogspot websites. Not a good move considering the generally quality of blogs (including this one).

But I digress....as Vegas fades into the shroud of memory, I thought I would hit the remaining highlights of the trip, bullet-point-story-style (feel free to add more in the comments):

Within two hours of arriving at Treasure Island, Spurt has been banned from drinking. Our pit boss, Trudy, was a complete moron anyway (one of her comments upon finding out that many of us were lawyers or in law school..."It normally takes a couple of times to pass the bar." Yeah, if you're fucking stupid). Spurt dropped a few f-bombs, and that was the end of his alcohol experience. Too bad he was only drinking Coronas at the time (he may be the first person ever cut off while drinking girlie beer).

10 dudes in a Grand Caravan on the way to Luxor for steak dinner on Friday night. The minivan was destroyed. Between AJ having to crouch in between the two captain's chairs and Peak literally riding in the trunk well, I was praying that we would not be pulled over. I worried about getting past security (who normally looks in your trunk), but Spurt used his expert Vegas knowledge to assure us that the Luxor did not have security. Unlike the "take Frank Sinatra Drive, it's faster" incident, this one actually worked.

The return trip to Denny's and the hostess' comment that "we don't have any seats available right now" despite the fact that HALF of the restaurant was empty. T disappearing for ten minutes and coming back with a comp for his dinner.

The hotness of the waitress at the Venetian (Ari knows), which cannot be overstated. The hobbit-like quality to the waitresses of TI. Watching ND come all the way back from 20 down only to choke. The lack of Caribbean Stud in any casino. The "fun" of "Super Fun 21" at the Fiesta. Triple shot Everclear martinis sounding like a good idea. The Luxor steakhouse: great food, awful service. Forgetting that DJ is actually deaf in one ear and just thinking he was ignoring me. Looking forward to next year.

One step ahead...

2006-11-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

of big brother... maybe...

Anyway, we've moved.

http://questionablecommentary.squarespace.com/

Come on by.

NFL FOOTBALL POOL, WEEK 11

2006-11-16T07:17:00.000-08:00

All games for Week Eleven of the 2006 NFL Season are listed at the bottom. The home team is spelled out in CAPS. Please pick five games and assign point totals by writing the name of the team you pick in the blanks below. Also pick the Monday night game if you have not done so.

Favorite Spread Underdog
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 10 Oakland Raiders
Indianapolis Colts 1 DALLAS COWBOYS
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 3.5 Cincinnati Bengals
Pittsburgh Steelers 3.5 CLEVELAND BROWNS
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 13 Tennessee Titans
Baltimore Ravens 4 Atlanta Falcons
CAROLINA PANTHERS 6.5 St. Louis Rams
HOUSTON TEXANS 2.5 Buffalo Bills
New England Patriots 6 Green Bay Packers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3 Washington Redskins
Chicago Bears 7 New York Jets
MIAMI DOLPHINS 3.5 Minnesota Vikings
ARIZONA CARDINALS 2 Detroit Lions
Seattle Seahawks 6 San Francisco 49ers
DENVER BRONCOS 2.5 San Diego Chargers

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 3.5 New York Giants

The Old Hot Stove

2006-11-16T05:31:00.000-08:00

Jim Leyland and Joe Girardi took home manager of the year honors yesterday. Leyland's win was somewhat less of a surprise than Girardi's. To be fair, though, Girardi finishing at the top of the voting wasn't all that surprising either. The reason I bring it up is because it gives me a chance to rail on the Marlin's evil owner Wayne Huizenga... er... John Henry... er... Jeffery Loria. Right, Jeffery Loria. Hey, Jeff! Great call firing your manager because you're a control freak. I'm sure it won't be hard to start with a $15 million opening day payroll and be so competitive, that you almost make the playoffs next year. Don't worry... at least this year's opening day roster will have more than one batter with over 1000 ABs in the bigs. Maybe.

Boston is thinking about shooting a cool 50 mil over to J.D. Drew. Hey, what's another $50 million? Especially for a player who plays hard and everyone loves. With Manny in left, and Drew in right, are the Red Sox putting together the laziest outfield of all time? Is Bobby Bonilla available to play center? A Boston side note -- I'd like to be there when they tell John Henry that they bid 50 million dollars, not yen, on Megalon. That meeting would be good times.

No major signing activity thus far. Mike Mussina reupped for 2 years, at about 22-24 million. Fair enough. And I hate that I'm saying fair enough. That's an f-load of cash for being a "solid number 2." Heh. Sorry, this entire paragraph was a setup to allow me to use the phrase "solid number 2." Okay, I'll go back to the news now.

GMs are considering instant replay for baseball. You know, this is my favorite game, and I love how there's no clock. But come on people, do we really need to extend the game in an area where for 100 years we've been fine with the occasional missed call? Look at college football this season. Sometimes instant replay can do more harm than good. Although if baseball adopts instant replay and the Oklahoma Sooners somehow get screwed again, I'm all for it.

And finally... you've got to love Philadelphia. Pat Gillick comes in as the new GM last season, and by the trade deadline is trying to convince optimistic fans that the Phillies will not contend in 2007. Nothing like an organization that doesn't even believe in itself.

42 Million, and All I Got Was This Lousy Import

2006-11-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

So... 42 million (allegedly!) for the right to sign a Japanese ace. But wait! If you you act now, we'll also throw in East Asian market awareness and a new car. But not really on the new car. Is it really financially sound for the Red Sox to be throwing this kind of cash around? Probably. Isn't that a bit sad? I want to say "who cares" because a) it's cooler to seem apathetic, and b) I really don't have any love lost for the Bosox... but I do care. It's just one more thing the real Evil Empire, Kevin McClatchy, Inc. has never heard of. What's "it"? Oh, that's right... putting together a competitive baseball team. (yes, you read that link correctly... that's a 2004 article.)

But you don't come to the site to read more rants about the Pirates, you want uplifting news. Something not so 'Burgh-centric? Sure thing. Did you realize ND was on tv for 169 straight games before USAFA's CSTV contract put an end to it? Kudos to the headline writer on that one, too. At first I was confused. I thought, no way ND has lost 169 games. Ty Willingham was only there for three seasons. Hard to forget when the Talking V*gina (yes, a blog I read only refers to May as this because of his distinctive(ly bad?) facial hair) reminds viewers every Saturday. Speaking of Mark May, we have scientific proof that he is disliked. Universally. Too bad Harold Reynolds decided to harass someone first (allegedly!). I'm not saying that Mark May should be fired, or even that I'm rooting for that. I'm just saying that it's more likely he'll be fired before May features Notre Dame in any of his polls, lists, or otherwise. Unless, of course, that poll is titled, "Teams I Unjustifiably Hate". I'd expect Notre Dame to finish near the top of that one. But not at the top. Because ND cannot be #1 for anything for May.

Don't worry Mark, I'm sure if ESPN ever lets you leave Bristol, you'll get the Corso Treatment in South Bend.

Is This Seriously Going to Happen?

2006-11-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

Well, that was a pretty wild weekend of college football. It started, as it often does with me, while I was at a poker game. I'm over at my buddy Sean's house playing a little hold 'em and eight-or-better Omaha (dealer ante, of course), and the Louisville-Rutgers game comes on. Due to my wife being from Louisville, I feel compelled to sit through the horror that is this game. When Louisville is up 25-7, I am feeling pretty good about UofL's championship chances. I figure, at this point, that ND is totally out of the running, so I should root for UofL.

But not so fast, my friend, says Corso. Louisville loses to Rutgers, followed by losses by Texas, Auburn and Cal. Tennessee also lost, which is not necessarily relevant for ND's title hopes, but makes me all warm and fuzzy inside nonetheless. So now ND is ranked #5 in the BCS, with a legitimate shot at the BCS national championship game if they beat USC and Florida manages to lose.

Here is my dilemma. A month ago I bought ticket futures for ND in the Sugar Bowl. If you haven't seen how this works yet, you should definitely check it out. You pay a certain amount of money per ticket, and then if your team makes that particular bowl game, you buy tickets to that game at face value. Before Saturday, all looked to be in line for an ND Sugar Bowl appearance. I don't know if I plan to go to the game or sell the tickets, but the point is that I would have the tickets. Now, if ND goes to the NC game, I am more than happy to forfeit that money. However, if ND goes to the Rose Bowl because tOSU and UM get a rematch, I am going to be pissed.

On to the game recap.....

ND-Air Force, 39-17

Five Things I Liked:

1. Brady Quinn's rocket arm.

2. The sight of the Shark running free in the secondary.

3. Charlie's playcalling on the first two series.

4. Charlie not running up the score just to impress voters.

5. Four touchdown passes to four different receivers.

Honorable mention: Rhema's move after he caught his TD pass. Showed strength and agility. We'll need both against USC.

Five Things I Didn't Like

1. STOP THE RUN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

2. Continued inability to wrap up by Zibby.

3. Is it that difficult to recruit a kicker? It seems like there are probably lots of kids who would like to come to ND and could kick a fucking extra point. Really. It doesn't seem that hard.

4. Dropped passes. Yes, I am looking at you Darius Walker.

5. Life after Quinn looks bleak right now.

This was again one of those weeks where I was very happy to win, but playing a service academy always is a little depressing because it feels like beating up on someone who is not quite capable of responding in kind. 9-1, though, is very nice.

NFL Week 10 Reaction

2006-11-13T05:31:00.000-08:00

Well... that was interesting. It's nice to see the Steelers trying to ruin any chance of getting a good draft pick. Prediction -- they finish 9-7 and miss the playoffs by a game. Since I've predicted it, though, it is sure not to happen. Tune in next week when I predict records of 3-13, 4-12, 5-11, 6-10, 7-9, and 8-8 for the Steelers, too.

It would appear not all is well in Steeler-land (aside from being 3-6), as the defensive line still cannot get any real push on the QB. I'm not convinced Casey "Hungry-Hungry Hippos" Hampton is healthy.

On to the rest of the league...

If we call it the Good Ship Lovie, can we call it the Sinking Ship Marvin? If you're a "defensive mastermind" and your team scores 41 points, shouldn't you win every game? Something to ponder, I guess.

Arizona lost again, and I, for one, am excited that with Denny Green's impending firing. We get to hear Denny Green's name come up for every head coach opening for the next three to four years -- with him never actually being hired, of course. Sometimes coaches fail because their teams are bad. Sometimes they fail because they're bad coaches. Sometimes, it's both. And sometimes, you're name is Rich Kotite. I'm not saying that Denny Green is Rich Kotite... but geez man, 1-8? Are you serious? And enough about how you could be 6-3. Guess what? You could be 9-0. But you're not. Stop crying and start working on your resume. (Some advice though, don't list your all-time NFL record.)

Houston, congratulations. I'm sure your quest to finish .500 will fail. But it's fun to watch you try. Somewhat sadly for the Texans, and happily for Houston, the Dynamo (great name by the way -- not) won the MLS Cup yesterday. I know many readers (all five of you) will greet MLS talk with some derision, but I mention it for two reasons -- 1. It was a ridiculously entertaining game if you turned it on halfway into the first overtime. 2. It's that much more embarrassing to Houston that one of its expansion teams won so quickly, and the Texans are still terrible. Kicking a man while he's down you say, in making fun of the Texans? I care.

It's been since Buddy Ryan was coaching that NFL audiences have seen this frosty a handshake. I couldn't quite make out Bill's words... but I think it started with "F*ck" and ended with "your mother."

And finally, from the files of Brett-Favre-Plays-Just-Well-Enough-This-Year-To-Consider-Coming-Back-Next-Year, the Pack won yesterday. Have we ever seen a guy raise a franchise up (won the SB) and kill it (not allowing anyone else to develop, steals away good draft picks by winning a few games a year) like Brett? I doubt it.

NFL Week 10

2006-11-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

While ND prepares for Air Force (can we please learn how to defend someone in the first half?!?), the NFL rolls on. Now that my beloved Steelers are all-but-mathematically eliminated from a meaningful game in January, there is no joy in Rockville.

He's supposed to beat the Bears
this weekend. Umm, sure.

On the upside, I am going to Vegas in March, so this blog will likely look more like a police blotter at that time.

Anyway - on to the games for this week. As always, send your five picks to questionablecommentary@yahoo.com. This means you, SpragueND.

Favorite Spread Underdog

Kansas City Chiefs 1 MIAMI DOLPHINS

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 10.5 Houston Texans

San Diego Chargers 1.5 CINCINNATI BENGALS

ATLANTA FALCONS 8 Cleveland Browns

Baltimore Ravens 7 TENNESSEE TITANS

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 11.5 Buffalo Bills

PITTSBURGH STEELERS 4 New Orleans Saints

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 7 Washington Redskins

NEW YORK GIANTS 1 Chicago Bears

MINNESOTA VIKINGS 5 Green Bay Packers

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 10.5 New York Jets

DETROIT LIONS 6 San Francisco 49ers

Denver Broncos 9 OAKLAND RAIDERS

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 3.5 St. Louis Rams

Dallas Cowboys 7 ARIZONA CARDINALS

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

CAROLINA PANTHERS 9.5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Working Too Much

2006-11-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

The disaster of the last UNC-ND meeting

and posting too little. QC will try to do better in the future. Anyway, below is a rundown of last week's game against North Carolina plus the updated scores for the NFL pool.

ND 45 - UNC 26

Five Things I Liked

1. Brady Quinn is the man. A good number of the throws he made on Saturday were NFL-caliber (looking off coverage, going all the way through the progression, superior arm strength, etc.)

2. Zibby finally holding onto a punt return. That was nice to see.

3. Scoring seemingly at will in the second half.

4. Shark and Rhema having huge days together. Grimes emerging as a true third threat.

5. The hoodie.

Five Things I Didn't Like

1. The gaping holes in the secondary.

2. Our seemingly endless inability to tackle an opposing player in the open field.

3. Allowing a return touchdown.

4. Allowing Joe Dailey to look like Joe Montana.

5. That games like this somehow damage Brady's Heisman chances. It infuriates me that a QB at tOSU (who, btw, admitted taking cash from a booster a/k/a cheating) can throw for 100 yards and an interception and not be penalized for playing crappy competition.

Scores from this week (a/k/a my eyes are bleeding):

Geaux Irish: 46 points (nice work)
Clown Hater: 11 points
Festering in Dallas: 1 point
SpragueND: 1 point
QC: 0
CU Lions: 0

Updated standings out tomorrow. I don't think they will be favorable for me.

Funny Stuff

2006-11-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

A letter from the worst rated player on Madden 2007 to John Madden.

No more John L. Smith and other tidbits from around the world

2006-11-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

John L. Smith ("Jonelle" for purposes of this character assassination), was fired Wednesday from his position as head football coach at Michigan State. This development alternatively delights and saddens me. It delights me because Jonelle was, and is, not a particularly good human being. First, he broke his contract with the University of Louisville but was so bad at keeping the secret that his players found out via cell phone during the game. Second, he refused to discipline his players for the flag planting incident last year. I'm not saying the guy is a criminal; just that he is a used car salesman who finally got caught trying to sell another lemon. It saddens me because Jonelle, despite his record against ND, was not likely to beat Charlie again. Ever. This is one guaranteed win we lose each year. MSU might hire someone competent, and that means another difficult game each year.

Cal and Tennessee jumping ND in the polls in the last two weeks is the best evidence of pollsters' bias I can point to. Neither team played the week before. Cal's movement is particularly egregious, as ND blew out Navy (as expected). Unless ND goes undefeated in coming years, we have no shot at playing for a national title.

I went to the Navy game, and it lacked something. Don't misunderstand me - I had a terrific time and was glad to see ND look so good (especially on offense). The main thing missing was any animosity for the opponent (and rightly so). I have the ultimate respect for the service academies - they are populated by young men and women doing something I could not have done. It's difficult to be too happy about a win over them; the game feels more like a scrimmage.

Louisville beat West Virginia last night and should be #3 in the BCS standings on Sunday. They deserve it. I am tired of the SEC apologists who cry that the Big East is undeserving of a NC bid. My answer to them is the same answer I gave about ND - win all your games and it won't be a problem. Unless you're Auburn in '04. That one probably did kind of suck.

Want to see something from the legal world that is priceless. Harold Reynold's complaint.

My picks for this weekend's games: Cowboys, Packers, Bears, Falcons, Patriots (Seattle on MNF). Guaranteed to go 2-3 at best.

Prediction for the ND-UNC game: ND 35, UNC 14.

Performances are Improving..We're Second World Status Now, Baby!

2006-11-02T09:38:00.000-08:00

Nice job by the pool participants this week in rebounding from the horror that was the Week 7 picks. We're still not performing "well," but we'll take it at this point. Listed below are the standings. Longer and more detailed post coming tomorrow about the week that was, including Jonelle's firing, Notre Dame's continued prison rape in the polls, why attending games against the service academies lacks something and other a la carte commentary.

Results for Week 8:

SpragueND: 41
CU Lions: 41
QC: 25
Geaux Irish: 25
Clown Hater: 21
Festering in Dallas: 16

With the first pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, the Steelers Select... (NFL Pool, Week 9)

2006-11-02T08:26:00.000-08:00

So, I'd like to thank the Steelers for killing any hope of making the playoffs with last week's "game". I'm saying that sincerely, too. Usually sports teams will mess with their fans, flirting with rising above the mediocrity line, giving the regular fan hope that things might turn out okay in the end. See 1981-2006 Phillies. Not so with the Steelers.

How long until the Pirates report to training camp?

-----------------------------

NFL Week 9

Green Bay (+3.5) at Buffalo
Miami (+13.5) at Chicago
Atlanta (-6.0) at Detroit
Kansas City (+2.5) at St. Louis
Houston (+13.0) at NY Giants
New Orleans (-1.5) at Tampa Bay
Dallas (+3.0) at Washington
Tennessee (+9.0) at Jacksonville
Cincy (+3.0) at Baltimore
Minnesota (-5.0) at San Fran
Denver (-2.5) at Pittsburgh
Cleveland (+12.5) at San Diego
Indy (+3.0) at New England

MONDAY NIGHT BORING

Oakland (+7.5) at Seattle

Just Desserts

2006-11-01T16:16:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that's right. With a cherry on top.

You know, in my experience, when people aren't going to return to their jobs, it's called a "firing."

It's funny, when you choke horribly in the fourth quarter against a team everyone who backed you wanted you to beat, people get upset.

I wonder if ESPN 8 (you know, the Ocho) would hire John to color commentate on D-III games... Oh wait, I'm lying. I don't wonder that. I just don't care.

Misadventures, Part V

2006-10-31T08:00:00.000-08:00

So my buddy Ari enjoys flicking his friends off (One should note – this was the least dirty way I could open this story in talking about giving someone the finger. Seriously. Why does everything I write these days sound like a euphemism?). Anyway, it’s usually from a distance and often in public settings. Frequently, although by no means necessarily, Ari’s middle finger is provoked by a mild dig at him. For instance, telling Ari that a tv show he likes, in fact, is terrible, will draw a middle finger. Commenting on “his suck decision for a lunch order” will almost always result in the bird as well. Sometimes, however, spotting him from a distance on the sidewalk will result in the middle finger as well. This all got me into trouble yesterday at the gym.

So Ari, Mike, and I are in the weight room. Yes, I know where it is, thank you very much. Ari’s using some machine before me, and he decides to do another set although I am nearly ready to use the same machine. Since I know a comment about this will draw a middle finger, I decide to preempt Ari by looking down the row of machines at him and giving him the middle finger. Bam! I am clever. Or so I thought.

Directly next to Ari is a girl who has been minding her own business, using the next machine over. Turns out, when I am giving Ari the middle finger, which had to stay up for 5-7 seconds (basically about 4-6 seconds longer than one wants to leave the finger up in a public place) because Ari had looked away, the girl on the next machine had looked over to me. Yep. I flicked off some random girl in the weight room. I rule.

As a bit of a strange aside, she only furrowed her brow slightly when I flicked her off. The lack of outrage says to me she probably did something that deserved it. I’m just saying is all.

Predictions for the Week

2006-10-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

Here are my picks for this week's chosen games:

25 points, Colts (+2.5) @ Broncos: Manning has owned Denver, and despite the Colts' seeming weakness this year (14-13 over Tennessee), I like Peyton to do enough to win this one.

15 points, Steelers (-9) @ Oakland: Even with Big Ben wondering where his motorcycle is, I like the Steelers in this one.

10 points, Eagles (-6) vs. Jaguars: Eagles seem to play well every other week, so we're going with them on this one.

5 points, Bengals (-4) vs. Falcons: I hate to pick the Bengals, but they should win this game by a bunch. The Steelers should have beaten Atlanta by two touchdowns last week but committed some stupid turnovers.

1 point, Jets (+2) @ Browns: Mangini has the Jets playing hard. The Browns cannot score very many points. I'll take a shot.

Links

2006-10-26T11:37:00.000-07:00

So here's a random assortment of funny links and / or stories. Except for the one's that aren't funny.

As the caption says, sometimes it really isn't all that hard to ID the rapist. (courtesy of Erik)

I was doing a little search on the border fence news (because when the Act was first signed, CNN had a picture of a chain-linked fence up, which was hilarious) and I found this gem. So, um, if you're so slow that a photographer can take a picture of you futilely trying to climb the border fence, in broad daylight, how much of a chance do you actually have of making it into the country?

And finally there are the Not Safe For Work (NSFW) links and a story without a punchline to go with them: For those of you familiar with AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) or any other instant messenger for that matter, you'll know that you can send links to other people also using the instant messaging client. You may also know that you can link certain words as a substitute for the link, not unlike I have in this blog entry for "caption" and "gem". Well, what's technology without a diabolical use? A certain friend of mine and I have taken to im'ing other friends with disguised links. That is, not only do we substitute words for the actual links we're sending, but we substitute in fake links. Thus, a p-rn site looks like an espn link in the IM window. Certainly, this is nothing new. (Many have done this at work with a link that takes the victim to a site that, at the loudest possible volume shouts, "I'm looking at gay p-rn!!!!" and makes it impossible for the user to leave the site unless he turns off his computer. High comedy for cubicle users.)

What we've brought to the table is doing such things in class. With dreadful links. (e.g. google 'meatspin' or 'tubgirl' to get an idea) Let me reiterate... do NOT click on these at work... or ever... if you want to be able to eat again. Really, I mean that.

So anyway, the other day, after running out of people to 'meatspin', I sent the aforementioned friend a link to meatspin. Just straight up. Didn't try to hide it. In scrolling over it to try to discern what it was actually a link to, he clicked it. In class. To say my friend hid behind his laptop laughing at his error would be an understatement. Try... shook convulsively to the point of eliciting stares from classmates. As he later said, it's a good thing class was almost over.

Anyway, I promised that this story didn't have a punchline. And it doesn't. Go forth with your new knowledge and have fun tricking people. But don't say I didn't warn you about those sites.

Revisionist History, Indeed (plus the NFL spreads for this Week)

2006-10-26T06:36:00.000-07:00

Apparently Jerry Springer was ousted last night on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars." I found this out via the MSNBC article titled "Jerry Springer: Gentleman Till the End." This is hilarious to me. Some of you may not be aware of this, but prior to breaking up fights between transvestite lovers who may or may not be siblings, Jerry was actually an elected official -- the mayor of Cincinnati. But it gets better than just the tale of following up a career of public service with referring cage matches between twelve year-old crack and sex addicts.

Do you know why Jerry Springer is no longer the mayor of Cincinnati? Because he was caught with a prostitute. Who he attempted to pay with a City of Cincinnati check. That bounced. I honestly cannot make this sh*t up. So, Jerry is quite clearly a gentleman till the end. Or at least until it's time to pay the hooker.

On to this week's NFL spreads. Remember, assign 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 point to each game. Pick the MNF winner (we can dispense with the point total from now on) if you have not already done so. here goes:

Favorite Spread Underdog

TENNESSEE TITANS 3 Houston Texans

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 6 Jacksonville Jaguars

CINCINNATI BENGALS 4 Atlanta Falcons

NEW YORK GIANTS 9 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

CHICAGO BEARS 16.5 San Francisco 49ers

GREEN BAY PACKERS 3 Arizona Cardinals

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 6 Seattle Seahawks

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 2 Baltimore Ravens

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS 8.5 St. Louis Rams

Pittsburgh Steelers 9 OAKLAND RAIDERS

CLEVELAND BROWNS 2 New York Jets

DENVER BRONCOS 2.5 Indianapolis Colts

CAROLINA PANTHERS 4.5 Dallas Cowboys

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

New England Patriots 2 MINNESOTA VIKINGS

I Rank Thee

2006-10-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

Here are the rankings for the NFL pool as it currenty stands (dropping the worst three weeks for everyone). Very close race, actually.

Geaux Irish: 155 points
Clown hater: 144 points
SpragueND: 127 points
CU Lions: 122 points
QC: 112 points
Festering in Dallas: 105 points

We're Not Good At Gambling

2006-10-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

Not that this needed independent confirmation for any of you who have had the opportunity to witness the awesome power of my suckitude whilst in a casino, but it should be noted that we, QC and its readers, are not good at picking winners in the NFL. The results of the pool are listed below. To be fair, this week in the NFL had its share of surprises, so the results are not that out of whack with what the "experts" picked as well.

Winner of the pool this week is CU Lions, with a whopping total of 25 points.
Three-way tie for second with SpragueND, Festering in Dallas and WC coming in at 15 points.
Geaux Irish rebounded from last week's zero points to post 5 this week.
And Clown Hater took over the zero spot.

Cheers!

Unparalleled idiocy, really

2006-10-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

I normally avoid politics on this site, primarily because it's a sport commentary site, and because the discussion of politics (particularly in an electoral environment) really leaves me depressed.

HOWEVER, I do not avoid unarguably blatant stupidity, and that's what this is. Take some more Oxycontin, big fella. In fact, take the whole bottle and spare us your blathering.

In ND news, Charlie was apparently not happy that Tennessee and Florida jumped ND in the polls. I agree that Tennessee should be behind ND, but Florida's lower ranking seemed to me to be a product of losing in the middle of the season rather than at the beginning. I do not believe ND could beat Florida if they were to play tomorrow, so I have no real problem with that ranking.

Attending only my third away game ever this weekend (first: Michigan in 1997). The second one was Michigan State in 1998, so let's hope this is a more successful road trip for the Irish (and for me -- that was the day I screamed at EM, left Keenan and drove to East Lansing through a freaking blizzard. Then ND got hammered and we almost were assualted leaving that shithole that is East Lansing. Nice day, all in all). So Go Irish, Beat Navy.

NFL Week in Review

2006-10-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

Monday Night Football is becoming a seriously painful viewing (and particularly listening) experience. That's right, I'm talking about you, Joe Theisman. Tirico does a serviceable job as the play-by-play announcer (despite the ridiculous guests welcomed to the booth -- Hank Williams, Jr.??) and Kornheiser is very, very good as the "everyman" color commentator. Theisman, however, seems to exist solely for the purpose of disagreeing with everything Kornheiser says. Last night, for example, Tony K. made a number of salient points regarding Drew Bledsoe's immobility and how it was hurting the Cowboys' chances. Joe, of course, disagreed, most likely because the hummer Drew gave him before the game was still in the back of his mind. Joe would make a perfect high school coach (belligerent, does not know how to actually coach, former athlete). Please ESPN, I am literally begging you.

On to the games:

Atlanta 41, Pittsburgh 38: Because God hates me (could it be the kitchen knife I held to my brother's stuffed animal's neck as a child??), the Falcons covered with the kick. I wish herpes were more disabling, Ron Mexico. Part of me thinks I should have decapitated that stuffed bear as well. At least I would have gotten my money's worth for that divine retribution.

New England 28, Buffalo 6: New England is starting to play better and now looks like the prime candidate to knock Indy from the realm of the unbeatens. Belicheck must be a great coach, because there are few players on that team I would want playing for ND in college right now. OK, maybe the offensive line guys. Buffalo? Not good. The world needs ditchdiggers, too, Bills.

Cincinnati 17, Carolina 14: The Bengals win a close one. Very impressive considering 1/2 the team is in jail.

Kansas City 30, San Diego 27: San Diego completely befuddles me. One week great, the next shitty. Schottenheimer is just waiting to screw the pooch on this one. I have Week 13 in the pool.

Green Bay 34, Miami 24: They played this game? All tapes were immediately burned, so I'll have to take your word for it. Brett Farve's farewell tour continues. Interesting question: who's had the worse last two years: Brett or President Bush? Tough call, I say.

New York Jets 31, Detroit 24: Eric Mangini continues making a difference with the Jets. The Lions continue to suck. At least they didn't cheat, as opposed to some other Detroit teams we know....

Tampa Bay 23, Philadelphia 21: 62 yard field goal???!!!!! Maddening inconsistency from the Eagles, but the Bucs are a decent team that really could not afford the exploding spleen of their starting quarterback.

Houston 27, Jacksonville 7: stinker game. Jacksonville is not this bad, nor is Houston this good. For one week, though, Texan fans can forget they passed on the single most exciting player of the last decade.

Denver 17, Cleveland 7: Denver may go 13-3 without ever having to score 30 points. Ridiculous. And when they need Jake the Snake in the playoffs, he will choke. Also, the sun will come up tomorrow. I'm just saying.

Indianapolis 36, Washington 22: I thought I was denigrating the Skins when I said they would go 8-8. Now they would be lucky to do so.

Oakland 22, Arizona 9: tick, tock, tick, tock...Denny Green's coaching life whittling away.

Minnesota 31, Seattle 19: Good for the Vikings. Hard to celebrate on a sex cruise after a loss.

Giants 36, Cowboys 22: Parcells is Hobbsian (except that "short" refers now to his tenure) at this point. I hate both this teams. A plague upon both their houses.

Scores from the pool to follow tomorrow.

Hilarious

2006-10-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

If you're looking for a laugh today, check out the article titled "Rules for Fat People at Sporting Events" at MZone.

Well done.

So I'm Supposed to Go to This Wedding....

2006-10-23T07:07:00.001-07:00

...on Saturday for two friends from D.C., and of course, the wedding begins at 3:30. I think to myself, no problem, the Irish are supposed to beat UCLA by two touchdowns. I brought my cell phone/PDA with me knowing that I could (1) log onto the internet and get delayed scores and (2) get text messages from my brother-in-law with the score. As an aside, who gets married on a Saturday in the fall? Especially people our age? Priorities, people.

So what happens? ND scores first (this is during the ceremony when I get the score), and all is well. Then UCLA scores - and then scores again. Now I am a little worried. We've moved into the reception portion of the wedding (pre-dinner). I am, at this point, nervously checking the scores every few minutes.

Long story short - we end up leaving the wedding because the little one is becoming uncontrollable, and get back in the car with UCLA punting. ND gets the ball back with 1:02. The rest is absolute beauty.

A couple of things about the game: from everything I've heard, the O-line played atrociously. That needs to change in a hurry. Also, ND had better beat USC. As they continue to slip in the polls and the BCS while winning, a loss to USC could knock us out of contention for a BCS bowl game. The Gator Bowl doesn't sound real enjoyable right now.

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 7

2006-10-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

Crunched for time this week, so I've only listed my top 5 picks again and the reasons why. Here goes:

25: Steelers - because they are my team and are due for another win. Plus Atlanta cannot throw he ball.

15: Chargers - Chiefs suck.

10: Jets - they're at home against the Lions and only giving 3.5

5 - Carolina - I hate the Bengals

1 - Arizona - because the Raiders will not cover.

MNF: Cowboys, 47 total points

NFL Pool, Week 7

2006-10-19T12:56:00.000-07:00

Listed below are the games and spreads for the week. Same rules as always: pick 5 games, assigning 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 points. Pick the MNF game (if not already picked) and the total number of points in that game. E-mail your picks to questionablecommentary@yahoo.com.

Favorite Spread Underdog

San Diego Chargers 5.5 KANSAS CITY CHEIFS

Jacksonville Jaguars 9.5 HOUSTON TEXANS

New England Patriots 5.5 BUFFALO BILLS

Pittsburgh Steelers 1.5 ATLANTA FALCONS

MIAMI DOLPHINS 4 Green Bay Packers

Philadelphia Eagles 5 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

NEW YORK JETS 3.5 Detroit Lions

CINCINNATI BENGALS 3.5 Carolina Panthers

Denver Broncos 4.5 CLEVELAND BROWNS

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 9.5 Washington Redskins

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 6.5 Minnesota Vikings

Arizona Cardinals 2.5 OAKLAND RAIDERS

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

DALLAS COWBOYS 3 New York Giants

Let the Heavens Be Praised....

2006-10-19T07:58:00.001-07:00

...we're back. Whether we're better having had some rest on vacation, well...let's not get ahead of ourselves. First order of business is some housekeeping. Listed below are the scores from last week's pool. They are not good, which is to be expected in a week where Detroit, Tampa Bay and Tennessee all finally managed to get victories. Oakland did the 0-fer crowd proud, though, by continuing their unbroken streak of pathetic play. When the spread on the game is more than the average points the other team scores (Denver 12.7, spread was 15), it might be time to find a new team to root for. Anyway, on to the carnage:

SpragueND: 31 points
CU Lions: 26 points
QC: 25 points
Festering in Dallas: 15
Clown hater: 1
Geaux Irish: 0

First time anyone has achieved the coveted "zero" point total while still submitting picks. Reminds me of a story, actually. Back in high school in bucolic Evansville, Indiana (don't ask), I was invited to join a four member bowling team for the summer of my sophomore year. Since my other options were (i) working or (ii) working, I went with the bowling option. We had a team of two girls and two guys, and all of us could rightly be described as "very bad." But so was everyone else in this league.

The league decided that, due to occasional no-shows, it needed to institute a "blind score," which is a replacement score for any member of your team that did not show for the match (80 pins, in this case). By the end of the season, our other guy member was so bad that the girls on the team were openly rooting for him not to make the match because 80 pins was about 30 higher than he could possible achieve. I was rooting for him not to show for other, more devious reasons.

On to the world at large and some random musings.

The first BCS rankings were released Sunday and ND is eighth. I don't really have a problem with eighth since most of the teams ahead of ND are probably better. We'll see if we get to USC 10-1.

Articles today about Weis being approached by various NFL teams during the bye week. The best quote of the article was Weis saying "I'm here until they fire me, or I die." I don't think anyone's firing you anytime soon, coach.

Cardinals and Mets in a Game 7 tonight. Can either of these teams beat the Tigers? Mets probably have a better shot, if only because it would be strength against strength (Tiger's pitching versus met's hitting). The Cardinals don't hit or pitch as well as the Tigers, which means they'll probably win.

Miami football, despite Stewart Mandel's vigorous defense yesterday, is a thuggish program. What Stewart fails to understand is that you do not get a free pass on everything that has happened in the past. He wonders why the special prejudice for Miami. I would argue that it is because Miami, almost singularly during the past twenty-five years, has not only disgraced itself repeatedly in on- and off-field incidents, but has publicly reveled in doing so. For example, see Miami's former-player-turned-announcer. If you want to have a program that relies on "living on the edge," don't cry when the edge cuts you. And Donna Shalala as a university president is obscene. Please.

Hockey is apparently in-season. Who knew?

Currently reading Flags of Our Fathers. Only about 50 pages in, but absolutely terrific so far. it is the story of the six soldiers who raised the U.S. flag at Iwo Jima. If you're looking for an easy read that is also pretty powerful, pick it up. Also just finished Malcolm Gladwell's Blink, a book about harnassing the power of split-second impressions. Very interesting, although I liked his Tipping Point more.

Joe Theisman is atrocious. My ears literally bleed when I am forced to listen to his ramblings. Is there no one else who could do that job competently?

Misadventures, Part IV: Gettin' the Nod

2006-10-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

So Katie, Ari, and I are out drinking on Saturday night on the Upper West Side. We found this hole-in-the-wall place that was literally a hole in the wall. Or maybe it had holes in its walls? I’m not sure. I was a few into the night at that point. Anyway, after drink number 4, I head to the bathroom. The setup is as such: a urinal next the stall, with the door to the stall facing the urinal. When I walk in, the bathroom is empty. So I step up to the urinal and… eh, commence. (not “George Michael” commence… I mean, I just started to use the bathroom). About 2 seconds in, I hear a noise from the stall next to me… the stall that has its door ajar, mind you. So I lean back and peer in. I mean, I didn’t want to get jumped Scream style. Lo and behold, in the bathroom I had previously thought empty, there is a dude sitting on the toilet. Why did I think the bathroom was empty? Oh, right. Cause the frickin door to the stall was open. So anyway, as I peer in, the guy looks up at me and gives a head nod! A head nod, people! In case you’re not well versed in head nods, they’re the type of thing you throw to someone you know as you pass them on the street. On the social greeting hierarchy, they’re right below saying hi without stopping and just above averting your gaze towards your watch or the street so you don’t have to make eye contact with someone. You’ll notice, nowhere in that statement did I include, “Give a head nod while you sit on the can with the stall door ajar.”

So, the moral of this story: sometimes bathroom stalls are better left alone. Especially when there are dudes just chillin’ in them.

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 6

2006-10-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

My feeble attempt at prognostication this week:

25: San Diego
15: Philadelphia
10: Cincinnati
5: Chicago
1: Seattle

MNF total points 37

83 and sunny in Hilton Head today. Snowing in D.C. tomorrow. ^%$&%#.

NFL Pool, Week 6

2006-10-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

Posting the lines. I'd still email QC with your picks though.

Seattle at St. Louis(+3.5)
Philly at New Orleans (+2.5)
Cincy at Tampa Bay (+6.0)
Tennessee (+10.0) at Washington
Carolina (+3.0) at Baltimore
NY Football Giants (+3.0) at Atlanta
Houston (+13.0) at Dallas
Buffalo (+1.0) at Detroit
KC (+7.0) at Pittsburgh
San Diego at San Fran (+10.0)
Miami (+2.5) at NY Jets
Oakland (+15.0) at Denver

Monday Night
Chicago at Arizona (+11.0)

Misadventures, Part III: A Bit Too Flashy

2006-10-10T06:36:00.000-07:00

So I'm at a point now, with working out, where I'm in between belt buckle holes. This is not quite the euphemism that it sounds like. Literally, I have to adjust belt buckle holes from when I sit (one from the last one) to when I stand (the last one). Otherwise, the pants slowly fall down. I know what you're thinking, ladies! What's the problem?! Well, apparently my wearing of pants is important to most parts of society. Like people who want to keep their lunch down. One should also note: it's tricky thing to have to adjust your belt because it always just looks like you've done something inappropriate.

Well, usually I adjust the belt before I get up, but yesterday I forgot. So I was walking through the library, having just come from class (and having just been sitting down). So, I waited until I was between bookshelves somewhere near the very back of the library to make the belt adjustment. Well, it just so happened that someone walked by at precisely the wrong time, and looked at me when I looked up. All I could say was, "Uhhhh, it's not what you think..." To which the guy responded, "Yeah, sure," and kept walking.

So I've decided if someone is just going to assume I've done something wrong when I adjust my belt, instead of apologizing, I'll say something witty like, "Did you enjoy the show, perv?" Loudly. Especially if we're in class. Or the library.

That should go over well.

Vacation looming

2006-10-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

Headed on vacation shortly, so list below is abbreviated. Will try to post something interesting while on vacation. Go Irish, beat Cardinal.

Winners against the spread: Indianapolis, Washington, Detroit, New Orleans, St. Louis, New England, Chicago (10), Cleveland, Jets (15), Kansas City (25), San Francisco, Philadelphia (5), Pittsburgh (1), Baltimore.

NFL Pool, Week 5

2006-10-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

After that shitacular week last week, here's hoping QC can get a little more on track with this week's slate of games. I altered the format of the listing slightly for ease of reading, but the rules remain the same: list your 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 point games, the MNF football winner (if not already selected) and the total number of points scored on MNF. Send your entries to questionablecommentary@yahoo.com.

Week 5 Games

Tennessee (+18.5) @ Indianapolis
Skins (+4.5) @ Giants
Detroit (+6.5) @ Minnesota
Tampa Bay (+6) @ New Orleans
St. Louis (-3) @ Green Bay
Miami (+9.5) @ New England
Buffalo (+10.5) @ Bears
Browns (+8) @ Panthers
Jets (+7) @ Jaguars
Kansas City (-3.5) @ Cardinals
Oakland (+3.5) @ San Francisco'
Dallas (+2.5) @ Eagles
Steelers (+3.5) @ Chargers

MNF: Ravens (+4) @ Broncos

Jeter Continues His Nefarious Plot to Drive A-Rod to Suicide

2006-10-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

Not surprisingly, given that it is October and the Yankees have once again made the playoffs, Derek Jeter went 5-for-5 last evening with two singles, two doubles and a home run. Alex Rodriguez managed a single to go 1-for-4. I think this has less to do with Jeter being "clutch" in the playoffs than it has to do with Jeter's single-minded obsession to destroy A-Rod. Four years ago, A-Rod made some fairly disparaging comments regarding Jeter in Esquire, and Jeter has clearly never forgotten. We here at QC applaud this type of lengthy retribution and hope for it to continue for many years. Even if Derek Jeter is clearly a minion of Satan.

Mike and Mike had an interesting debate this morning regarding Jeter/A-Rod (and by extension, Peyton Manning/Tom Brady). The debate was which player would you select if starting a team? They had Tony Dorsett on as a guest and he argued strongly that Brady was a "winner" and since the object of sports is winning, he is the "obvious" choice. While I agree that between Manning and Brady I would select Brady (little statistical dropoff plus proven success in the playoffs), how far does this argument logically extend? Mark Rypien won a Super Bowl. Is he a "winner"? Trent Dilfer? It seems to me that arguing about the impact of one player's "refusal to lose" when 21 other players also affect the outcome is short-sighted.

Watched Friday Night Lights last night. Stop reading if you don't want to know what happened. There are a couple of points that need to be made regarding this show. First, I am absolutely convinced that people from Texas are batshit crazy when it comes to football. Putting that much energy into anything involving high school kids is insane. Second, the show has promise, although they did rely on the "star quarterback is injured in the first game" cliche and also threw in the "back-up QB leads them to victory" cliche as well. Varsity Blues, anyone? The show will be interesting only if they concentrate on the lives off the field. Gratuitous high school sex, violence and alcohol abuse is always good for entertainment on an otherwise slow Tuesday.

In the list of bad decisions, this one ranks right up there. Have a cold one for me, Mel.

And finally...you know those times when you feel a little down and think the world rewards those who take the easy way out or cheat their way to the top? Sister Mary Ann at St. Ignatius used to say those people would get their "comeuppance" in the next life. Sometimes it's good to see karma kick those people in the balls now, though. I give you:

Nice game against Illinois, donkey.

Misadventures, Part II

2006-10-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

Like I said... on slower news days, I'll post some misadventures that I've been (un)fortunate enough to be a part of. Without further ado...

----

So we used to play street hockey. All the time. What can I say, we lived in NJ. Anyway, I needed a new stick, as the one I had been using developed a severe crack one day. The crack was unrelated to my smashing the stick on the street in anger after losing. Entirely unrelated. So, I went on the internet, as the Sports Authority seemed a bit pricey. Well, you know Dick's Sporting Goods... I decided to look there first at about the same time my mom walked into the room. End of story.

Moral: The website for Dick's Sporting Goods is decidedly not "dicks.com" If you go there, especially with a parent in the room, you will have to come up with a story more believable than street hockey equipment needs. Just FYI.

NFL Recap, Week 4

2006-10-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

Bad week for the pseudo-gambler (5-7). I managed to lose a couple of games by a point or less, but that's why the oddsmakers know what they're doing. Listed below is the recap of the games and the point totals for the pool this week.

Atlanta 32, Arizona 10: Thankfully the Kurt Warner Era in Arizona is ending, and that should make the gambling component of this team much easier to understand. Atlanta is an enigma to me. Maybe that Saints game really was rigged, and Atlanta is a better team than it first appeared to be.

Buffalo 17, Minnesota 12: Is J.P. Losman for real? Short answer: no. Always hard to predict the winner of a donkey fight, which is what this was.

Dallas 45, Tennessee 17: I actually changed my pick once I heard Vince Young was starting, so a little pat on the back for QC. All of the national reporters seem to think this was a positive beginning for Vince Young (and maybe it was). I actually think he is going to be a terrible quarterback and have very little success at the NFL level. One of the reasons for this is that Vince is very, very stupid. It's generally difficult to succeed at the QB position in the NFL without an 80-IQ (but Carson Palmer is doing it, so anything is possible).

Kansas City 41, San Fran 0: Question -- why did SF ever switch uniforms? I was watching a game on ESPN Classic the other day, and the old uniforms look so much better than the current ones. KC might be decent this year, but they need Trent Green back to be able to beat a real team.

Indianapolis 31, NYJ 28: Jets continue to overachieve, while the Colts continue to live on the razor's edge. Indy is not going to win it all without a real running game, so my bet is someone else comes out of the AFC this year. The Jets could be really good in a couple of years.

Carolina 21, New Orleans 18: Perhaps the NFC South is just this bad. NO looks like a legit 8-8 or 9-7 team, despite the difficult upcoming schedule. Carolina is going nowhere unless Steve Smith gets healthy in a hurry.

Baltimore 16, San Diego 13: feels like 2000 all over again. The Ravens defense controls games and the offense does just enough to win (or not lose). McNair is an obvious upgrade at QB, but the Ravens are winning with smoke and mirrors right now. San Diego was bitten by Marty's conservative playcalling (again). He's like the Chan Gailey of the NFL.

Houston 17, Miami 15: I told you about Daunte Culpepper. Not good. Houston gets their first win (on the way to 4). The Dolphins are so pissed they did not sign Drew Brees and his cockroach face right now. Although that guy and Sam Cassell might be the only two professional athletes ugly enough to not get laid on South Beach.

St. Louis 41, Detroit 34: Please fire Matt Millen. It's inexplicable how both he and Donald Rumsfeld still have jobs. Is actual job performance not a category in their reviews? "You seem like a nice guy...."

New England 38, Cincinnati 13: Excuse me while I do the dance of joy.

Cleveland 24, Oakland 21: Oakland blows a 21-3 lead. Art Shell continues to impress with the depths he is willing to go to appease gamblers. Nice investment in Aaron Brooks, by the way.

Washington 36, Jacksonville 30: The Redskins tried very hard to lose this game but managed to find a way to win it due to the brilliance of Santana Moss. Brutal schedule still makes for an 8-8 team.

Chicago 37, Seattle 6: Perhaps Chicago is for real. They certainly appear to be the class of the NFC (and possibly the NFL) right now. That defense is impressive, and the offense looks good as well.

Philadelphia 31, Green Bay 9: score inflated by Farve's inability to complete passes to members of his own team (and his amazing ability to complete lots of passes to the opposition). Eagles are the class of this division, as I told you. No TO = peace.

This Week: 5-7
YTD: 21-23-1

If we were wagering $100 on each game (and we had to pay a $10 vig for each loss), current winnings/losings for the year: minus $430

NFL Pool Results

Clown Hater: 46
Festering in Dallas: 30
SpragueND: 30
Geaux Irish: 20
CU Lions: 20
Questionable Commentary: 15

<>

2006-10-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note... For those of you who "gamble" "online" at "poker sites" or "sports betting parlors", you might be interested to read this snipet in USA Today.

I'll be interested to see how the industry responds to the bill (soon to be law). My guess is that people aren't just going to leave a multi-billion dollar industry on the table. They'll work around it somehow (e.g., set up other corporations to which credit card companies can make payments, etc.) Oh well, should be interesting.

McDonald's Rage

2006-10-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

Other than mocking failed sports teams from time to time (because most of mine failed much earlier in the season), I plan occasionally to post some clips of life from the crazies I deal with in NYC. So, enjoy.

Side note: Is Ronald McDonald the creepiest clown ever? Second creepiest?
------

Have you ever engaged in a four minute debate at a McDonald's about whether "breakfast" is over? Have you ever wanted to but not had the guts to haggle with the cashiers? Well, folks, your hero passed through the West Village area the other day. I'm standing in line, two people behind this guy who is just berating the cashier about how it's 11:02 and they must still have some damn breakfast because breakfast only ended two f**king minutes ago. And so on. Well, they finally dredge up a breakfast burrito for this guy, at which point, he picks up his phone, calls home, and in the sweetest voice, says, "Honey, Daddy got you a breakfast burrito, is that okay?" To which the answer must have been, "No." Because he apologized to her, hung up, and then proceeded to ream the cashiers some more. This goes on for a few more minutes, to the point where they come up with an Egg McMuffin. Guy leaves happy. Guy right in front of me has great timing... goes up to the counter after the first guy leaves, and goes, "Hey, am I too late for breakfast?"

Thoughts as we Begin the Work Week

2006-10-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

So, I did not see the ND-Purdue game on Saturday. I was playing in a charity golf outing and only managed to see a few plays while making the turn. Obviously, I caught the highlights, but since ND is #12, that consisted of about 3 plays. Anyone want to give a quick rundown of the game in the comments section? How did we give up 400 yards passing to Purdue? Did we play well?

Below are some random thoughts I had while driving into work today and while sitting here not working. Enjoy (or not).

I hate dolphins. Most of my ire is directed at the ones in Miami, who have consistently cost me money this year, but - out of spite - I also include the annoying mammals shown in the picture to the right. Has the dolphin ever actually accomplished anything (other than a starring role in Ace Ventura)?

Rumsfeld says he won't resign. I find this shocking, particularly because people always seem so eager to give up power. Besides, isn't there some quasi-Arab monarchy/dictatorship with oil that needs a democratic government imposed by force?

Ahh, the last refuge of the truly depraved (hiding). Representative Foley, after sending e-mails to 16-year male pages with lines like "Do I make you horny?" is now claiming alcoholism and is entering an alcohol treatment facility. No word yet on whether visiting high school youth groups have been propositioned by Foley. Bonus depravity: Foley was chair of the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus.

I told you the Phillies would collapse in the most painful possible way.

What a dumb-ass. Airplanes/airports are not a really good place for personal expression, buddy. TSA screeners...ahh, reminds me of a story. When I was looking to change jobs a while back, I had to take an aptitude test (remedial math and reading questions to judge basic competency) at a computer store where they also administered the TSA screener entrance exam. Apparently, you need only score 80% on the TSA exam to pass, and here was one of the questions: "Identify the gun from the following two images (images of scissors and a pistol is put on the screen)." I am not kidding.

Wow. Porn is now Wal-Mart. KUPs apparently now longer needs a commissioner. Sad day.

Clemens reported to have used steroids. I hope this is true, if only because the Rocket is such a monumental jackass. Somewhere, Bill Simmons just had an accident in his pants.

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 4

2006-09-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

Interesting slate of games this week. I'm leaving for Cincinnati shortly, so light posting today. Just a short list of predicted winners below. If you have not sent me your picks, cough them up.

Week 4

Indy @ Jets (+9): too big a spread for a visiting team

Chargers (-2.5) @ Ravens (1 point): Ravens couldn't cover against the Browns

Vikings (+1) @ Bills (25 pts): The Vikes almost beat the Bears and now they're 'dogs to the Bills?

Cowboys (-9.5) @ Titans: huge spread for an away team

Niners (+7) @ Chiefs: Trent Green still out; feels like a four point game

Saints (+7.5) @ Panthers (5 points): Carolina barely beat Tampa Bay and they're more than a touchdown favorites against a 3-0 team?

Arizona (+7) @ Atlanta: who knows? I'll take the Cardinals

Miami (-4) @ Houston (15 points): Texans are really bad

Detroit (+5.5) @ St. Louis: Rams should not be a 5.5 point favorite over anyone

New England (+6) @ Cinci: NE has not lost back-to-back games since the end of 2002. They cover.

Jacksonville (-2.5) @ Washington: Jags barely cover.

Browns (-2.5) @ Oakland (10 points): Oakland should be a 10-point dog to any team in the league

Seattle (+3.5) @ Bears: Seattle getting points seems like a good bet

Packers (+11) @ Eagles: Big, big number to cover for a team that cannot stop the pass at the end of games. Feels like a 31-24 type of game. 55 total points.

The Tale of Two Tigers and News from All Over

2006-09-29T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hey all, first post... I'll be contributing now and then... so let's get right to it.

Anyone see Tiger yesterday? So what's the conclusion on the Ryder Cup, did he mail it in? Is it a format that just cannot be won by one man alone? Was he too busy going all Henry VII on journalists in Ireland who had taken a picture within the past year? Will we ever know? Fortunately, the good ole U-S-A, media and populous included, doesn't really focus too much on international sports in which we now are bad. What can I say? I, too, would rather hear about what Jenn Sterger has to say concerning the World Series than better understand the nuances of team play in the Ryder Cup. Right? Wouldn't I? Hrm.

Anyone see the Tigers yesterday? Mannnn, things could get rough if the Tigers have to head into Yankee Stadium (the fate that awaits the wild card winner from the Central) for the first round. This analysis, of course, is not because I like the Yankees (I don't), but rather because the Yankees have won five out of the seven games they've played against the Tigers this year.

But hey, there's plenty of choking to go around! Go Phillies! I think we all knew this would happen. I'm just glad it wasn't in a one game playoff.

File under the "I know you were waiting with baited breath" category... Dallas police have now termed the T.O. incident one of "accidental overdose" and have demanded an apology from Ownes. In other late breaking Dallas news of equal interest... there's traffic on the loop, and it's expected to be sunny and hot.

With this being such a great news day, I'll leave you with this link, which is as hilarious as it is well thought out.

NFL Pool, Week 4

2006-09-28T08:11:00.001-07:00

Attached are the games and point spreads for this week's NFL contests. As always, pick 5 games (assigning 25 , 15, 10, 5 and 1 point to each), pick the MNF winner and total number of points in the MNF game. Home team in CAPS. Enjoy.

Favorite Spread Underdog

Indianapolis Colts 9 NEW YORK JETS

San Diego Chargers 2.5 BALTIMORE RAVENS

BUFFALO BILLS 1 Minnesota Vikings

Dallas Cowboys 9.5 TENNESSEE TITANS

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 7 San Francisco 49ers

CAROLINA PANTHERS 7.5 New Orleans Saints

ATLANTA FALCONS 7 Arizona Cardinals

Miami Dolphins 4 HOUSTON TEXANS

ST. LOUIS RAMS 5.5 Detroit Lions

CINCINNATI BENGALS 6 New England Patriots

Jacksonville Jaguars 2.5 WASHINGTON REDSKINS

Cleveland Browns 2.5 OAKLAND RAIDERS

CHICAGO BEARS 3.5 Seattle Seahawks

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 11 Green Bay Packers

ND to Offer Season Tickets

2006-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

In an unusual move, Notre Dame is making 5,000 season tickets available next year in order to help fund the stadium preservation (expected to cost at least $40MM). There is a $50 fee to put your name on the lottery list and also a tickets rights fee of up to $2000 per ticket (plus the face value of the ticket). Details here.

Also included in the article is a description of how to improve your chances in the ticket lottery. The point seems to be, basically, give enough money to be in the Sorin Society. We'll file this one under "Obvious."

I will not be applying for season tickets due to geographical constraints, but it might work for some of you who get back to the games more regularly.

Maybe I Should Just Flip a Coin??

2006-09-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

Not going to Make 6 Unless They Pick it Up

Week 3 of the NFL is now in the books, and what a week it was...wait, it wasn't very interesting? Damn.

We're about two weeks away from knowing exactly how this NFL season is going to play out, but for now, it's still anybody's guess. Listed below is my commentary on each game and the pool results for the week. Needless to say, this is going to be one of the drop weeks for a lot of folks.

NYJ 28, Buffalo 20: I managed to catch the end of this game, and all I can say is that watching J.P. Losman throw the football makes me want to vomit. On two consecutive checkdown swing passes, he threw the ball so high that, even when jumping, his running back could not make the catch. This was during a final drive to tie the game, mind you. Terrible.

Green Bay 31, Detroit 24: The mind-numbing caricature that is Brett Favre lives for another week. BF finally performs well in the Detroit dome (surprising everyone) and Detroit collapses (surprising no one).

Indy 21, Jacksonville 14: Indy finds a way to win against a pretty tough competitor (although J'ville helped them out as well). Indy again looks good for 13 or 14 wins and a complete chokejob in the playoffs. Same old, same old.

Miami 13, Tennessee 10: I told you the spread on this game was way too high. When two teams of such enormous suckitude face each other, a point spread of 11 is ridiculous. By squeaking past the Titans, do you think Daunte got himself a free lap dance? Time in the Champagne Room?

Chicago 19, Minnesota 16: now that's the Rex I remember. The Bears defense is good enough to win 12 games this year, so Chicago will be fine, but no Bears fan can really feel comfortable knowing Rex is captaining the good ship Lovie.

Cincinnati 28, Pittsburgh 20: The Steelers (by which I mean Big Ben) gave this game to the Bengals. It was inexcusable, and now the Steelers are looking at two 3-0 teams in their own division. %$#&.

Carolina 26, Tampa Bay 24: For all of those people who predicted Carolina to win the NFC...it is not happening. They are not good. TB is even worse, and they lost their QB to a ruptured spleen (ouch).

Washington 31, Houston 15: as obvious a call as I have ever made, even with the way the Skins have played this year. Look...Washington is going 8-8. They will beat the teams they are supposed to and lose to anyone good. They have no downfield passing ability and Portis is pretty dinged up. Houston, on the other hand, has no hope whatsoever. It would be better if they just stopped playing football (if you can call it that).

Baltimore 15, Cleveland 14: Thank you to the Browns for not only allowing the Ravens to come back and win, but also playing just well enough to f*ck up the spread. Well done, dogpound. Maybe next time, someone from Cleveland could just take a crap in my Cheerios and be done with it. Mmmm, fiber.

St. Louis 16, Arizona 14: Did not watch this game, mercifully. Looks like Kurt Warner will start another week for the Cardinals. I guess Leinert was busy getting someone else pregnant. If there was ever a guy who should know to use a condom, wouldn't it be a Trojan??

Philadelphia 38, San Fran 24: Eagles rolled pretty well in this one. The defense needs to learn a little more of a killer instinct when it is up instead of allowing the opposition to get cheap scores at the end. The Niners are a 5-11 team. Just good enough to screw themselves out of anyone who could really help in the draft.

Seattle 42, NYG 30: Nowhere near this close. Seattle is the most mystifying team in the NFL. I simply cannot figure them out.

Denver 17, New England 7: I told you NE was done. Jake freaking Plummer just took it to the Patriots.

Saints 23, Atlanta 3: Good for the Saints (even though the game was clearly fixed).

Pool results:

Questionable Commentary: 41
CU Lions: 25
Clown Hater: 16
Geaux Irish: 10
SpragueND: 0 (no submission)
Festering in Dallas: 0 (no submission)

This week: 6-6-1
Y-T-D Results: 16-16-1

If we were wagering $100 on each game (and we had to pay a $10 vig for each loss), current winnings/losings for the year: minus $160.

Wow

2006-09-27T06:49:00.000-07:00

Authorities are reporting that Terrell Owens attempted to commit suicide this morning. Story here.

No jokes to be made. Hopefully he gets the help necessary to recover.

There Is a God

2006-09-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

Look who got fired today from ESPN. Excuse me while I do the dance of joy.

Sadly, he's probably right about ESPN's censorship. Here at QC, though, we are unconcerned with correctness. We are just happy we don't have to listen to his annoying prattle about Willingham and the evil ND machine. Don't let the door hit you in the (enormous) ass on the way out!

Insanely Bitter

2006-09-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

I guess the flipside of how good we all feel about ND's comeback from the dead is this sound clip (posted in the comment section of EDSBS). Fast forward to about the 8-minute mark and then listen for 15 minutes. The host is obviously a huge MSU fan...and he might also be completely insane. It is a beautiful 15 minutes, though.

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "...what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

End of the Argument

2006-09-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, I wrote how shortsighted internet columnists were playing up the "Weis and Willingham were both 11-4" angle. The attached article is a definitive answer as to why this argument is total BS. Enjoy.

RU-486 Analysis, Game 4

2006-09-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

Notre Dame is trying to kill me. They must be, as that is about the only explanation for the roller coaster ride they took us all on Saturday night. I've listed my customary five things below, but -- taking a broader view of the season -- ND still has a lot of work to do. The defense, while strong at the end (thank Stanton!), still was shredded in the first half. Purdue will not be as easy a win as people are suggesting, but the rest of the schedule does set up well for the Irish to meet USC 11-1. The pass defense better be much improved by the time that happens.

Five Things I Didn't Like

1. Stupid turnovers: this was the theme of the Michigan game as well. The offense and special teams simply needs to stop giving away scoring opportunities with this frequency. UM and MSU are good teams that will capitalize on mistakes (and did). Scoring 19 in the fourth quarter was incredible, but it was an aberration.

2. Inability to run the football: I realize that ND was forced to pass for most of the game to catch up, but even before MSU leaped far ahead, the running game was nonexistent.

3. The wide receivers constantly bitching: seriously, guys, just make the play. Complaining to the ref after every pass play is getting really old very quickly.

4. Arm-tackling by the safeties: Zibby and Ndukwe looked awful in this game. I know MSU has a huge tailback/fullback, but you simply cannot get run over that many times and expect to win a game. They both looked more than a step slow. I love both those guys, but they really need to play a lot better for ND to win 11 games.

5. Bob Davie: someone seriously needs to jab a cattleprod in this guy's scrotum (metaphorically speaking, of course). At every possible opportunity, he denigrated the effort of the Irish and played up the skill of MSU. When the game finally ended, it was all about how MSU blew it (which, of course, they did) and nothing about how ND show resolve and came back and won it. I particularly enjoy his criticism of both teams' clock management skills again.

To review, Bob Davie was the worst coach in the history of college football at clock management. He would still be the coach of ND if he had learned how to effectively manage the clock at the end of the half. He lost at least 7 games during his tenure there due to his retarded monkey clock management. And btw, why doesn't ESPN/ABC just have John Saunders, Mark May and Davie call every game involving ND? That way no announcer could ever be accused of saying something positive about the Irish.

Five Things I Liked

1. Heart: I did not believe we could come back. Not just "would" but "could." I did not see the ability to stop the MSU offense and I certainly did not see the O-line giving Quinn enough time to feel comfortable (btw, Quinn REALLY needs to work on the side-out pass to his left. Terrible right now). The comeback was about MSU's mistakes, but mostly it was about the heart to believe you could come back. Props to Weis for getting the team to believe.

2. The fourth quarter: I wish I had a tape of just the fourth quarter (and by tape, I mean electronically available replay on my computer). I think I would watch it about 70 times this week.

3. The defense when it mattered: Love that these guys were able to step it up and force some turnovers. The last interception was incredible (and was the last TD/interception).

4. Beating MSU: whether we beat UM or not, I feel like the winner at the end of the game should shake the hand of the loser. The rivalry is heated and competitive, but respectful. Playing MSU is like playing basketball at the Y with some jackass that tries to grab your nuts while you rebound. I hope John L. Smith, especially after his utterly classless description of planting the flag, someday realizes what a piece of shit he is.

5. 40-37. 3-1. Go Irish.

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 3

2006-09-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

Very interesting slate of games this week from a gambling perspective. I have some strong opinions about a number of the games, although I could very well be completely wrong about those opinions. We'll know Monday night. The games and my picks are listed below.

New York Jets (+5.5) @ Buffalo Bills: Interesting game considering how well Pennington played in the first game against Tennessee and also how well the Jets played in coming back against the Patriots last week. The Bills have a good defense and a poor offense, but the Jets never play well in Buffalo, so the pick is Buffalo.

Cincinnati Bengals (+2) @ Pittsburgh Steelers: Very tough game for the Steelers, especially considering how poor Big Ben looked on MNF. I refuse to pick against my boys. However, you will note I did not assign this game and points.

Jacksonville Jaguars (+7) @ Indianapolis Colts: Peyton and company have won this one by 7 and 8 points, respectively, last year. I think the Colts are not quite as good as last year and the Jaguars are better than they were last year. The Colts should still win, but Jags cover.

Tennessee Titans (+11) @ Miami Dolphins: Miami is 0-2 and is giving 11 points. Think about that. I wonder if there has ever, in the history of NFL gambling, been a comperable situation. This game strikes me as a total stinker. I'll take the Titans, if only because I think the Jets and Dolphins are similar teams, and the Jets-Titans game was closer than 11.

Washington Redskins (-4) @ Houston Texans (*25): Putting 25 points on the 'Skins is extraordinarily foolhardy and also violates a rule espoused in one of my posts this week. I just cannot see them beating the Texans by fewer than 4. The 'Skins are the middle class of the NFL, and the middle class should stick it to the po'.

Chicago (-3.5) @ Minnesota: The Bears lose something when they play in a dome (that ferocious defense is caged a bit by being inside), and the Vikings are playing well. Plus, at some point, Rex Grossman is going to remember who he is. The Vikings cover. I hope.

Carolina Panthers (-3) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Both teams have performed well under expectations, but I think Carolina is the team that rebounds this week with a win. Chucky grows ever more Chucky-like.

Green Bay Packers (+6.5) @ Detroit Lions: Favre never performs well in the dome in Detroit. Plus, I think he had his one good game of the year last week. Detroit wins big.

Baltimore Ravens (-6.5) @ Cleveland Browns: I hate to say this, but I think the Ravens cover. The Browns are not a good football team, and it will be just my luck that the Ravens open the season 3-0.

St. Louis Rams (-4.5) @ Arizona Cardinals: This spread seems far too large for me, especially with the Cardinals at home. Cardinals cover.

New York Giants (+3.5) @ Seattle Seahawks: (*10) I like the G-Men to cover. Seattle has not shown me anything this year.

Philadelphia Eagles (-6) @ San Francisco 49ers (*15): Eagles win this one by more than a touchdown. San Fran remembers they suck.

Denver Broncos (+7) @ New England Patriots (*1): Way too big a spread on this game. Denver covers, barely.

MNF -- Atlanta @ New Orleans: (*5)If it were not the reopening of the Superdome, I would have this as my 25-point game. Emotion does play a part in pro sports, though, so I'll pick the Falcons to win bt only give it 5 points in the pool.

Total points: 31.

Mumblings and Bumblings

2006-09-21T09:57:00.000-07:00

There is no point to the picture; I just found it amusing in a "Man, I forgot how ridiculous that was" kind of way.

Thursday might be my least favorite day of the week (now that I am a "respectable," working stiff). In law school, Thursdays were poker night, while in college, Thursdays were Heartlands night. Both equally enjoyable pasttimes (one obviously more lucrative than the other). Now, Thursdays are another day that is not Friday. At least the conferences have decided to put on some college football (even if it is the normally crappy variety).

In honor of Thursday (a/k/a "that day with basically no redeeming qualities and no good TV shows"), here are some more random musings from the world of sport and beyond:

-- Tiger Woods is apparently really pissed that an Irish newspaper published allegedly fake nude pictures of his wife. That newspaper is absolutely going to get a visit from the most vicious lawyers Tiger can afford. I imagine that's somebody pretty good.

-- Are we certain those pictures are fake? Do we need expert analysis? The readers of this blog are more than available.

-- The White Sox are d-u-n. Thankfully. Ozzie Guillen is, among other things, a very good manager and brilliant baseball mind. Some of the other things are misogynist, racist and a buffoon. I will not mind a few months without some loudmouthed comment from Ozzie. Is it really that difficult to act a little more like Joe Torre or Jim Leyland? Keep in mind I hate the Yankees when thinking about this. I just respect the ability of a manager to get his job done without continually acting like a retarded donkey.

-- If I read one more story about how Ty and Charlie both started 11-4, I think my eyes will start bleeding. Is it possible everyone has forgotten HOW Ty went 8-0? Balls bounced off referees and were intercepted. A slant play against MSU goes for 55 yards while the clock is under 1 minute. Lucky, lucky, lucky. What happened when that luck ran out? Does anyone seriously believe that the two coaches are even remotely similar in terms of ability and/or gameplanning? Please.

-- Good for Richard Branson, who today pledged $3 billion to fight global warming. I find it hard to believe anyone seriously doubts the fact that temperatures have risen in the past few decades, so someone pledging their own personal wealth to combat this deserves some praise. Perhaps, though, he could have pledged $2.995 billion and used some on a day at the spa. 'Cause that dude is freaky looking.

-- Michigan State is only a three-point underdog against ND this weekend. I can't figure out which is scarier: (1) MSU is only a three-point dog or (2) I am not at all convinced we will cover?

-- Did anyone else see the Yakety Sax video of the UM-ND highlights? Michigan blogsters really know how to win with class, I tell you what. No one can ever accuse those guys of totally overreacting. Good on 'ya, boys. Class through and through.

-- Reggie Bush took a crapload of money for him and his parents while playing at USC. Shocking. I understand the argument that coaches cannot watch every player at all times (institutional control issues are always the big ones for the NCAA), but it stands to reason that coaches should be able to watch their best players (i.e. Bush, Bomar, etc.). Pete Carroll really didn't know his star player's parents were living in a 5,000 square foot house? Uh-huh. I hope the NCAA strips the Heisman from Bush and takes a bulldozer to USC's season last year. Won't happen, but a man can dream.

-- Finally, the Phillies are now tied for the wild card lead in the NL. Cue the crushing disappointment of a losing streak in 3...2....1.....

Later.

NFL Pool, Week 3

2006-09-21T06:17:00.000-07:00

Here are the games and spreads for this week. Once I've got everyone's picks, I'll post my predictions for the week.

One question of interest: how do you think ND plays this weekend against MSU? Rebound from the domination of the UM game? Or long slide back into mediocrity?

Favorite Spread Underdog

BUFFALO BILLS 5.5 New York Jets

PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2 Cincinnati Bengals

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 7 Jacksonville Jaguars

MIAMI DOLPHINS 11 Tennessee Titans

Washington Redskins 4 HOUSTON TEXANS

Chicago Bears 3.5 MINNESOTA VIKINGS

Carolina Panthers 3 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

DETROIT LIONS 6.5 Green Bay Packers

Baltimore Ravens 6.5 CLEVELAND BROWNS

ARIZONA CARDINALS 4.5 St. Louis Rams

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 3.5 New York Giants

Philadelphia Eagles 6 SAN FRANCISCO 49ers

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 7 Denver Broncos

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Atlanta Falcons PK NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

This is Why Sports Betting Would be a BAD Idea; NFL Recap Week 2

2006-09-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

Between the Irish getting housed in South Bend and both my Eagles and Steelers finding ways to lose their games, this was not a good football weekend.

On to the oh-so-painful recap of the week that was and the scores from this week's pool. New entry from New Haven takes the pool this week, narrowly edging out Geaux Irish. Yours truly finishes dead last.

Week 2

New Haven: 51
Geaux Irish: 50
Clown Hater: 31
CU Lions: 16
MPS: 6

On to the recap of the actual games....

Atlanta 14, Tampa Bay 3: Tampa Bay's offense is eerily reminiscent of the Ravens' offense of the past few years -- good skill position players, good defense, atrocious quarterback play. And I have Simms on one of my fantasy teams. Nice call by me. Tampa is in serious trouble due to the division they play in and the quality of those teams. The score to this one would have been even more lopsided if the Falcons kicker didn't resemble the kicker from The Longest Yard (remake). I kicked better at the college football hall of fame in a suit, after drinking a fifth. Questionable Commentary picked Tampa Bay, perhaps for the final time this season.

Chicago 34, Detroit 7: the only game our friend from New Haven chose incorrectly (homerism biting him in the ass). Chicago is not this good, I swear. I refuse to believe that a team with Rex Grossman at the helm is going to win 13 games, even in the dreadful NFC North. QC picked Detroit, which was obviously a mistake. I mean...Rex Grossman?!? Is this a cruel joke?

Cincinnati 34, Cleveland 17: QC actually picked this game correctly (gasps audible from the audience). The Bengals look good, and they certainly look like they are going to annihilate my Steelers come Sunday. Where is Kimo von Olhoffen when you really need him? Cleveland belongs in NFL Europe. I'm sure there is a battle there somewhere for Private Winslow.

New Orleans 34, Green Bay 27: Maybe it was the meth-induced haze, but QC managed to miss picking this game completely. Those fumes are killers, boys. I would probably have hurt myself if forced to watch this brand of football, so better for all that I missed it. Great game for fantasy football, but these two teams will struggle to score this many points again all year. Saints on MNF this week. Can't wait for that one. Oh, wait, yes I can. Maybe I'll catch Deal or No Deal.

Indianapolis 43, Houston 24: Another correct call by QC. Peyton throws for 400 even. I find it hard to believe the official scorer did not help Peyton out a little on this one. "Cause Peyton looks like a badass in those Gatorade commercials. I would be scared of him, too. Until I remembered that the "rebirth of cool" and "Peyton Manning" being mentioned in the same sentence is a grotesque a prostitution of the English language as "Michael Jackson" and "babysitter."

Buffalo 16, Miami 6: Another correct pick for QC. I said this last week: Daunte Culpepper sucks. He is not, nor will he ever be, a very good NFL quarterback. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. Perhaps if he decided to get down to QB-weight instead of starting guard weight, and perhaps if he decided that gangbanging a stripper on a "pleasure cruise" was not bringing the appropriate amount of "focus" to his job...well then maybe he could be very good. But probably not.

Minnesota 16, Carolina 13: Bad call by QC. Minnesota played reasonably well, but in my defense, Carolina wins this game if John Fox avoids imitating a retarded monkey on the backwards pass playcall in the fourth quarter. Big game for the Vikings this week against the Bears. We'll see who's a pretender and who is....generally less of a pretender.

Giants 30, Eagles 24: Picked this one correctly, although I should have lost it (and would have been happier had that been the case). There is no excuse -- none -- for blowing a 17-point lead in the fourth quarter. At home. The overtime play that won the game for the Giants was pathetic. Looked like ND's corners out there. The Eagles can win the NFC East, but not if they give away these kind of games.

Baltimore 28, Oakland 6: QC correct. Oakland is the worst team in football. Gambling against them, however, puts the lipstick on the pig for me. Suey, baby. Baltimore is 2-0, but the still the leader in crack use and prostitution. I wonder if those statistics go up or down depending on if the game is at home and whether the Ravens win??

SF 20, St. Louis 13: Very bad pick by QC on this one. I did not think there was any way SF was going to win this game. People who really like NFC West football are the same kind of people who really enjoy watching two random college teams on a Thursday night. It's football, yes, but even addicts should have a line. I'm just saying.

Seattle 21, Arizona 10: Seattle has scored 30 points the entire year and is 2-0. You figure it out. They'll probably go 12-4 or 13-3 (likely 6-0 or 5-1 in the division) and get a bye into the playoffs. I'm sure they'll get screwed by the officials, though. It couldn't be that there a soft-ass team with no ability to hit anyone in the mouth. Must be the officials. QC missed this one, dammit.

Denver 9, KC 6: I went blind halfway through watching this game. Anyone know what happened? I picked it correctly, but sweet Jeebus, what are they doing to football in Denver and KC? Did the NFL expand recently like baseball? Did all of the quality QBs have Total Recall-like lobotomies?

NE 24, NY Jets 17: QC missed this one by one point. And Tom Brady f'ed me on his fantasy stats (again). On the upside for him, his alma mater looked pretty good this week. Fascists.

San Diego 40, Tennessee 7: QC's worst pick of the week. Play Vince Young now, Tennessee. The stadium should have an inscription over the door reading "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate".

Dallas 27, Washington 10: No more picks by QC knowing I am going to have to watch the actual game. Knew Dallas was going to win this one. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The Redskins are baaaad. Jump from the ship now.

Jacksonville 9, Pittsburgh 0: %$#^&#^##!!!! Are you kidding me? With the Bengals coming this week, the Steelers really could have used this game.

This week: 6-9-0
Y-T-D Results: 10-10-0

If we were wagering $100 on each game (and we had to pay a $10 vig for each loss), current winnings/losings for the year: $100.

Out today, back tomorrow

2006-09-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

Home from work today. NFL recap (including how the Steelers blew a winnable game on the road) tomorrow.

Did I Just Spend the Night in Prison? 'Cause It Feels Like It

2006-09-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Well.....thankfully, the Michigan game is over. I have listed my customary "Five Things" post below, but I had some difficulty in determining five things I liked about this game. Not surprisingly, I found five things to dislike fairly quickly. The important thing to remember in all of this, I guess, is that this was one game in a long season. While national championship talk now looks silly (even if we win out), ND fans should concentrate on winning one game at a time and trying to get to USC 10-1. On to the review:

Five Things I Liked

1. The defense in the second half: I grant you that UM was playing it a bit conservatively, but the defense held them, basically, to two field goals. Not a bad performance at all.

2. The drive before the end of the first half: spread, no-huddle offense was very successful against the soft zone. Again, this may have been more of a function of UM being up 34-7, but I am looking for positives here.

3. Miller Lite. Very tasty during the game. Much better in bottles than cans.

4. Having your one-year old daughter in a Brady Quinn jersey watch the game with you. Makes it hard to throw anything at the TV.

5. Having picked the PSU game as the one to attend.

5 Things I Didn't Like

1. Brady Quinn under pressure.

2. The woeful offensive line.

3. The defense's inability to stop Michael Hart or Chad Henne in the first half.

4. The feeling of being totally dominated and humiliated.

5. The realization that, at best, it will now be 19 years until we have a chance to compete for the national title. Good times.

Post-script: Early postings on ND blogs seem to suggest Weis is at fault for this performance. I say to those posters, give it a rest. Remember that Weis still had Ty's recruits (and that most of those guys are not very good). It is encouraging that ND has accomplished at much as it has given the state of talent on the team. Perhaps we should give the guy a break. MSU up next. A revenge game and a game coming off a beating. We better respond.

NFL Gambling Predicitions, Week 2

2006-09-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

I confess that I do not like the spreads on the games much this week (a recurring theme you will see below). One of my central rules for gambling is to avoid games with huge spreads, primarily because a team can utterly dominate an opponent and still give up a trash touchdown at the end to win the game by 10. But for the gambler, this is very bad. Anyway, listed below are my thoughts and predictions with respect to this week's contests (games I picked for the NFL pool starred, with point values listed):

Carolina (-1.5) @ Minnesota: I do not believe in Minnesota. Rather, I think their performance of last Monday night was more of a result of the general craptastic nature of the Redskins, so the pick here is Carolina. With or without Steve Smith.

Buffalo (+6.5) @ Miami (1*): Do not believe the Daunte Culpepper hype. He sucks. Buffalo is not a good team, but I think they cover.

New York Giants (+3) @ Philadelphia: Very difficult game to pick. I think the Giants are actually going to win this one, but I see it as a close-fought game throughout.

Houston (+13) at Indianoplis (5*): This is one of the big spread games that has me worried. The pick here is Indy, if only because I think the Texans are just that bad.

Detroit (+9) @ Chicago: I'm going with Detroit on this one. Chicago did not look unbeatable in destroying the Sisters of the Poor last week (a/k/a Green Bay), so I think the Lions cover.

Cleveland (+10) @ Cincinnati: Another huge spread disaster waiting to happen. I'll take the Bengals, if only because I have Carson Palmer on my fantasy team.

Tampa Bay (+5.5) @ Atlanta: Is TB as bad as they showed last week against the Ravens? Is Atlanta as good as they played last week against Carolina? The answers to these questions might help me pick this game. Alas, I am stumped by this one and so will chose Tampa Bay to cover.

Oakland (+11.5) @ Baltimore: Oakland is an atrocious football team. I hate the Ravens as rivals to the Steelers, but the money has to be on those guys.

Arizona (+7) @ Seattle: Kurt Warner comes through for one more week against a Seattle team still bitching about the Super Bowl. Cardinals cover.

St. Louis (-3) @ San Francisco (*15): The spread on this game seems very low to me, even though the game is in San Fran. I like Marc Bulger and St. Louis to run it up against the Niners.

Tennessee (+11.5) @ San Diego: Tennessee is a bad team, but not two touchdown losers to the Chargers and a rookie quarterback bad.

New England (-7) @ New York Jets (10*): Patriots are done killing their own division with ease. Jets are not a good team, but they stay close enough to the Pats at home to cover.

Kansas City (+10.5) @ Denver: KC is starting Damon Huard. Denver is starting Jake Plummer. I am not totally convinced Plummer is that much better than Huard. I like KC to cover. Bitter rivalry games always seem to be closer than people think.

Washington (+6) @ Dallas: Case in point about bitter rivalries. Both these teams, possible NFC representatives in the Super Bowl according to the pundits, looked awful. I like the Skins to cover. Barely.

MNF -- Pittsburgh (-1) @ Jacksonville: (25*) Pittsburgh is the pick. Total points of 44.

Y-T-D results: 4-1-0 (0.800%)

NFL Pool, Week 2

2006-09-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

Listed below are the games and point spreads for Week 2. As always, assign point values of 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 points to 5 games, respectively. 56 total is a perfect score. Also pick both the MNF winner against the spread (if not already one of your games) and the total number of points scored in the MNF game (Pittsburgh at Jacksonville). Picks are due by Friday at 5 P.M.

Here goes (home team in caps):

Favorite Spread Underdog

BALTIMORE RAVENS 11.5 Oakland Raiders

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 13 Houston Texans

CINCINNATI BENGALS 10 Cleveland Browns

MIAMI DOLPHINS 6.5 Buffalo Bills

CHICAGO BEARS 9 Detroit Lions

Carolina Panthers 1.5 MINNESOTA VIKINGS

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 3 New York Giants

ATLANTA FALCONS 5.5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

New Orleans Saints 2.5 GREEN BAY PACKERS

St. Louis Rams 3 SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 7 Arizona Cardinals

New England Patriots 6 NEW YORK JETS

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS 11.5 Tennessee Titans

DENVER BRONCOS 10.5 Kansas City Chiefs

DALLAS COWBOYS 6 Washington Redskins

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Pittsburgh Steelers 1 JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

Well, that was pretty f'ed up (a/k/a Week 1 NFL Review)

2006-09-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

Week 1 of the NFL season is always an interesting time for fans and gamblers alike (although, really, is there any difference??). Too much of last season carries over into predictions for this year (see my dismal results in this week's NFL pool below), plus too much weight is given to pundits' prognostications (i.e. Dallas as a good team). Week 1 is also dangerous in regards to Week 2 because some teams looked far different during Week 1 than they will midway through the season. Without further delay, here is the Week 1 roundup:

Pittsburgh 28, Miami 17: lost in the hype surrounding Miami trading for Daunte Culpepper during the offseason was the realization that he is actually not the good of a quarterback (at least without Randy Moss to throw to). Culpepper makes bad decisions at the biggest junctures of the game, and the Steelers exploited that. Additionally, has any defending champ been given less respect recently?

New Orleans 19, Cleveland 14: Both of these teams are going to be awful this year. They may, in fact, meet again in an imaginary battle for the first pick in the 2007 draft. Drew Brees is going to be hit so many times and from so many different angles that the cockroach attached to his face might be knocked off. Oh...was that out loud? Sorry. Cleveland is starting Charlie Frye. This ends badly for Browns fans.

Seattle 9, Detroit 6: Uggh. I went to the Redskins-Bears game last year where the score was also 9-6, and it was boooooring. Detroit is going to suck, we all know that. I expected more from Seattle. Maybe Holmgren is still pissed about the officiating in the Super Bowl. Keep crying, fatty.

New York Jets 23, Tennessee 16: Nice to see the Jets play well, if only because the possibility of seeing the drunk J-E-T-S guy on Sportscenter remains alive. Tennessee should just give the ball to Vince Young at this point and be done with it. I think he's going to be a huge bomb as a pro, but we'll see. At least they would know more quickly, though. Akili Smith, anyone?

Cincinnati 23, Kansas City 10: Odd game for the Bengals. They really did not play well, but they did go to Kansas City and get a win (which is unusual for anyone). Lots on consternation from fantasy owners about Larry Johnson. He will not be one of the leading rushers this year, folks. Offensive line is awful. Trent Green would like to know if he can have his brain back now. Brutal, brutal hit.

St. Louis 18, Denver 10: Denver could have used an Israeli mafia-backed, Grey Goose-drinking running back in this one. Or maybe just a quarterback who could complete a pass to his own team. St. Louis is an enigma due to the new offensive system and coach.

New England 19, Buffalo 17: New England's run is over. You heard it first here at QC. Done. They may -- may -- win their division, but only because the division sucks. Buffalo played an above-average game for them and looks like a 7 or 8-win team.

Baltimore 27, Tampa Bay 0: Other categories Baltimore currently leads in: per capita crack use and prostitution. It's true, look it up. As a Steelers fan, I find it hard to be objective about Crackville....I mean Baltimore. Chucky cannot be happy right now, but at least he's not in Oakland.

Atlanta 20, Carolina 6: Atlanta is the pick to win this division. Carolina has a good defense but is basically weaponless without a healthy Steve Smith. Watching the NFC South play football makes me want to hurt little furry things. So...much...pain.

Philadelphia 24, Houston 10: Another outlandish pick for you - Philly goes to the playoffs, either as a division winner or the first wildcard. Not so outlandish - Houston is terrible. The Texans season was over when they decided to pick Mario Williams over Reggie Bush. As ND fans, we have some experience with Reggie. Did the Texans not watch the film?

Chicago 26, Green Bay 0: watched the entirety of this one. The Bears offense is not going to be good enough to advance deep into the playoffs, but it is slightly above average for the league. Green Bay is atrocious in every respect. Enough about Brett Favre and his "love of the game." You now what I love? Getting paid an assload of money to hem and haw about whether I want to be paid an assload of money.

Brief diversion here with some rambling thoughts: is there another business in the world where there is more speculation about people being "burned out"? The controversy surrounding Cowher coming back springs to mind here. In the normal world, people go to work every day, year in and year out, regardless of how they feel. Nobody just takes a couple of years off because they feel downtrodden. But in football (and sports in general), there is always this talk of burnout, as if a coach's job is somehow that much harder than everyone else's. You know who is probably a little burned out right now? Marines. And they don't have an offseason.

Arizona 34, San Francisco 27: Nice defense in this one. Both shitty, 5-11 or worse teams. Kurt Warner is probably going throw for a gazillion yards and kill my fantasy teams but that should not erase the fact the he is just not that good anymore. System QB in a bad system. San Fran is run, according to his players, by Hitler. They better hope it's pre-1942 Hitler and not Luger in the mouth Hitler.

Jacksonville 24, Dallas 17: I foolishly bought into the whole "Cowboys are going to be great this year" sales pitch. Stupid me. Drew Bledsoe is still their quarterback, right? I deserve this one. No idea about Jacksonville. Literally. I have no confidence in Byron Leftwich, although I do admire his toughness.

Indianapolis 26, New York Giants 21: Good football game, although sloppily played on both sides. One favor: ENOUGH with the Mannings. Good players, both of them, but I do not need to see them every day on my television.

Minnesota 19, Washington 16: Redskins go 8-8 this year with a craptastic offense. Minnesota looked OK, and they play in a horrible division. Probably 8-8 or 9-7. Brad Johnson is always above average if he gets a little protection.

San Diego 27, Oakland 0: Hard to judge San Diego because Oakland is so freaking terrible. I detest the Raiders from the old Steel Curtain days, so I take some joy in seeing them approach this level of suckitude. Perhaps Jeff George would have been a good pickup, after all.

Complete picks tomorrow. I managed to go 4 out of 5 in the pool this week (of course missing my 25-pointer [FU, Dallas]), so hopefully we can continue the streak this coming week. Later.

Bates Motel Now Located in Greeley, Colorado

2006-09-13T05:59:00.000-07:00

I will put up a review of the entire NFL slate from last weekend later today (and tomorrow I'll pick all the games against the spread), but I thought you might enjoy this link. Whoever said kickers were wusses just hadn't met this guy yet.

Here's the question that occurred to me (one of many, actually): how do you get expelled from school but only suspended from the team?

Week 1: Mediocrity Rules the Day

2006-09-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

Hung up in meetings all day. Listed below are the results of the first week of the NFL pool. Remember, we're dropping the worst three weeks, so a bad week is most assuredly not fatal to your chance. Here we go:

First place: CU Lions, 40 points
Second place: MPS, 31 points
Third place: Geaux Irish, 30 points
Fourth place: Clown Hater, 11 points

I'll do a full roundup of all of the games I saw plus some additional snide comments tomorrow.

Back to my TPS reports.

RU-486 Analysis, Game 2

2006-09-11T09:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay. Flew back from Chicago this morning and had the decidedly unpleasant experience of sitting in the seat next to the absolutely crazy woman on the way into work. This woman went on (seemingly forever) about her ability to play the harmonica. No one was talking back to her; she apparently did not need interaction from other humans to enjoy herself. Batshit crazy. Awesome.

So...on to the Penn State game and the 5 things I liked and disliked. As always, I have not looked at any other blogs or e-mails containing any thoughts on the game.

5 Things I Didn't Like

1. PSU's receivers getting deep behind the secondary twice in the first three quarters. In the first instance, the ND defender wisely interfered with the PSU receiver. I don't know whether it was a conscious decision, but it was a good move due to the lameass 15 yard penalty rule in college football. On the second occasion, the PSU receiver dropped the ball. There was also an instance where the PSU receiver was wide open in the middle of the field and the ball was tipped.

All of these need to be corrected if we are to (1) contain Michigan and (2) contend for the national title. Overall, though, the defense looked very good. This is mostly nitpicking.

2. The two drunk assholes behind me at the game. It was like the Cobra Kai were sitting in the seats right behind me: "Put Paterno in a bodybag." Nice.

3. Darius Walker's inability to stop dancing in the hole: just hit the GD hole, Darius. Seriously. 3 cuts is not going to work behind this offensive line and with a quick, attacking defense on the other side.

4. Brady's throws when really pressured: he looks tight when the rush is in face (lets throws sail). Weis needs to correct this because other teams are not going to hang back like PSU. Brady needs to recognize how to hit the hot read when teams finally do bring a lot of pressure. Rhema or Shark are going to break one of those little slants for 80.

5. O'Hare: I have nothing else critical to say about ND's performance, so how about a little shout out to the longest walk I have had in about three years -- from security to my gate at O'Hare. Jeebus.

5 Things I Liked

1. Weis' playcalling: much, much better than the GT game. Showed real creativity, especially with the fourth down fake punt. Should have kicked the field goal after that drive, though. PSU fans were pissed and they are going to punish us next year for that.

2. The defense (and particularly Tommy Z): played very fast, especially after PSU's first series. This unit really could be the most improved in the country.

3. Brady when given time to throw: if the O-line blocks well for him (or the defense doesn't blitz), I am convinced he could throw the ball through a tire at 50 yards.

4. The atmosphere in the stadium: goosebumps on my goosebumps.

5. ND and PSU renewing this rivalry. Wish it happened every year. And btw, where are the props for PSU for playing ND out-of-conference? Commentators keep giving tOSU and Texas a hummer for their decision but nothing for PSU at all (we all know no one will give any credit to an independent like us). PSU played the #4 team in the country in the second week of the season. Just saying.

Mumblings and Bumblings

2006-09-07T06:33:00.000-07:00

While I sit twiddling my thumbs waiting for the appointed hour when I can leave (tomorrow) for the airport, lots of thoughts race through my head. And since this is a blog (essentially an egotistic exercise in humor), I thought I'd share:

-- I watched Roddick beat Hewitt last night (after catching the end of the Sharapova match). I find it amusing that I cannot really notice the difference between a 110 and 140 mph serve but that the difference between a 70 and 100 mph pitch in baseball is glaring.

-- Charlie Batch is not as bad as some would have you think, nor is Daunte Culpepper as good (I am looking at you, Peter King). Go Steelers.

-- Read this story. While not crashing while masturbating, it is still something else.

-- Jenn Sterger is hot, no matter what EDSBS thinks. That said, go away Jenn Sterger. The fact that you have a relationship/sports column on CNNSI makes me think that the end cannot be far away. Let's hope the Rapture comes after the PSU game ('cause those tickets were expensive).

-- At this point, does anyone -- and I mean anyone -- actually care about what is happening in baseball? Some Marlins guy working for minimum wage threw a no-hitter last night....and I was more concerned with the pre-game football stories. Wake me up when the playoffs get here.

-- Anyone see Invincible? Any good? Should I spend 11 dollars? There's no chance I see Marky Mark's package again, right? Avoidance of that is definitely in the top five movie-going rules.

-- CNN says Guilani and Clinton are the favorites for the 2008 race. I cannot stress how much I would love for this to happen. It could be the most contentious campaign of all-time. Think, for a second, about the insults sure to be let loose.

-- Not to speak ill of the dead, but is anyone surprised the "Croc Hunter" died while at work? This guy basically pissed off humongous deadly animals for sport. I'm shocked, shocked that he died doing that.

-- Why must CNNSI put the swimsuit pictures on the sports webpage? Are they actively trying to get me fired?

-- Ever notice how so many of the Russian tennis players have "dead eyes"? That is, no real emotion in them? "If he dies, he dies." "I must break you."

-- Where should I park when coming to the ND-PSU game? I don't mind walking a bit, just need to know where to shoot for.

-- Get your NFL picks in to questionablecommentary@yahoo.com.

Does it count if the other team is insane?

2006-09-06T13:06:00.000-07:00

While surfing the day away visiting various internet blogs, I came across this one. I've actually been reading his stuff throughout the summer, but the upcoming ND game has apparently had the same effect on him as a normal person taking a shiv through the eye.

Now, I am not normally an excitable guy, particularly when it comes to braggadocio from partisan fans. However, this Penn State guy is so over-the-top that it actually makes a laughable read. The fact that he honestly expects a team that rushed for so few yards and sloppily beat Akron to come into South Bend and destroy ND is comical.

Don't get me wrong -- it is entirely possible that PSU beats ND on Saturday. There is zero chance, though, that PSU blows out ND.

ND has significant advantages at the quarterback, running back and offensive line positions. The only real area in which PSU is markedly better than ND is the linebacking corps. We'll leave it at that.

THEY HAVE ARRIVED

2006-09-06T07:27:00.000-07:00

After months of (what I was sure was futile) searching, ticket prices for the ND-PSU game finally started to drop this week. I imagine that there are lots of people that are afraid of trying to scalp tickets on game day. Anyway, the above arrived this morning (picture from eBay, which is why the rows are blanked out). Needless to say, I am more than a little excited about this game.

In the interim, I managed to get myself roped into a second fantasy football league. Two drafts irrefutably proves the point that I have no idea what I am doing in regards to FF. I did manage to get both Peyton Manning and Tom Brady...and then realized they have the same bye week. Good times.

I also take part in a very interesting NFL pool each week, the rules of which are: pick 5 games against the spread, with point values of 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 assigned to each game (I may have told some of you this before). Obviously 56 points is perfect. Ties with the spread are broken by picking the MNF winner. Ties between players are broken by closest to total number of points in the MNF football game.

So....how about we get involved in a little NFL pick 'em? I have set up an e-mail address, questionablecommentary@yahoo.com, to take the picks. Each week, I will need your five picks (and the point values assigned to each), the MNF football winner (if not already one of your picks) and the total points in the MNF game. Interested? Winner gets a nice prize from questionablecommentary at the end of the season (seriously). I have listed the spreads for the first week below. If you want to pick tomorrow night's game, make sure to get the picks to me by kickoff.

Also, pick the first MNF game this week as your tiebreaker.

This week's games (home team in caps):

Favorite Spread Underdog

PITTSBURGH STEELERS 1 Miami Dolphins (Thursday)

Denver Broncos 4 ST. LOUIS RAMS

TENNESSEE TITANS 2.5 New York Jets

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 9 Buffalo Bills

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 3 Baltimore Ravens

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 2.5 Cincinnati Bengals

Seattle Seahawks 6 DETROIT LIONS

CAROLINA PANTHERS 6 Atlanta Falcons

Philadelphia Eagles 4 HOUSTON TEXANS

CLEVELAND BROWNS 3 New Orleans Saints

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 2.5 Dallas Cowboys

Chicago Bears 3.5 GREEN BAY PACKERS

ARIZONA CARDINALS 7.5 San Francisco 49ers

Indianapolis Colts 3.5 NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL DOUBLEHEADER

WASHINGTON REDSKINS 5 Minnesota Vikings

San Diego Chargers 3 OAKLAND RAIDERS

RU-486 Analysis

2006-09-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I have avoided reading any of your e-mails or other blogs in order to post this without being influenced, but I have to say that my overall reaction after Saturday's game was something along the lines of a long, slow exhale (while slowly wiping the cold sweat from my forehead).

After each game this year, I intend to post a list of positives and negatives to be taken from the game (looking both short- and long-term). Here are my thoughts from Saturday night:

Positives

1. Defense, especially in the second half: I loved how everyone, especially the secondary, flew to the ball. Holding GT to zero points in the second half was a heck of an accomplishment - particularly because it meant something. Overall, a B+ effort by the defense for the whole game.

2. Ndukwe's hit on Calvin Johnson: CJ might be the second coming, but he needs to learn how to hold onto the ball in order to really excel at the next level. Just a vicious hit by Ndukwe. I watched the game in NYC with my brother (and his DVR). How many times did I rewatch this hit? Let's just say the DVR feels like that record-setting porn star (500 in one hour?????).

3. Darius Walker in the second half: once DW decided to stop dancing in the holes, he made some really nice moves. He does not have breakaway speed -- he needs to realize this and get his 6 yards and be done with it.

4. 50% of Brady's throws: about half were absolute lasers, right on target (I'll deal with the other half below).

5. Anything involving Zbikowski: that dude is unreal. I think he's faster than last year (and meaner). He looks like he really wants to hurt someone. It's possible I may develop a man-crush later this year. Of course, doing so could mean death by Zbikowski, so maybe we'll keep that one hush-hush.

Negatives

1. Weis' playcalling in the first half: for a very long portion of the first half, it looked to me like Weis was trying to be too "genius" and not enough "winning coach." I'm not trying to be hypercritical here (everyone knows I love the guy), but he should have pounded the crap out of GT instead of trying those shot-put bombs with Brady.

2. The TD run right before halftime: although it worked, that was a stupid call. Brady barely got in - and if he didn't, the half was over. That is the type of play I could see calling if two passes did not work, but I hated the playcall at that point. Loved the result, hated the call.

3. Brady heaving the ball up in the air in the first half: There were at least two plays where I immediately yelled at the TV when he let the ball go. No rainbows, please, Brady (except on end zone jump balls).

4. The offensive line penalties: first game, so the big guys get a little pass here. But seriously -- STOP moving before the snap. Freshman or not, you've been doing this since you were 6.

5. The officiating: ridiculously uneven. I know everyone says we got the break with the helmet-to-helmet call, but that is bullshit. That hit was absolutely illegal and should be called. The one-sided nature of the rest of the penalty calls was disturbing.

OVERALL: very happy to get a win in a game that we almost certainly lose under Davie, Willingham (and probably Holtz at the end of his tenure). Hostile environment, prime time, etc., etc. Over-under on ulcers this year for me: 7.

I see no reason to revise the prediction of 12-0 at this point. Although I do think the USC game is going to be more difficult than I originally thought.

Let me know how you all saw the game.

Foray into the Land of Fantasy

2006-08-31T06:27:00.000-07:00

This guy = still available

So last night I made my first entree into the world of fantasy football. Yes -- I know CDs are now available to replace my tapes as well. Anyway, we had a 10-team, 23-round snake draft last night. Took three hours (very painful). I've listed my team below, so let me know what you think. We have to play two QBs, 2 RBs, 4 WRs, 1 TE, 2 PKs and 2 defenses each week. My team will likely (hugely) suck, but such is life.

I am somewhat curious why the fantasy phenomenon never caught on at the college level. Especially since most leagues are not "keeper" leagues, college fantasy football would seem like a logical next step. Again, maybe people are playing it all over and it is just me that is missing it.

In other sports news....go Phillies. The rest of baseball becomes irrelevant as my Phils get closer to the wild card. I am headed to RFK (aka the worst stadium in the history of mankind) tonight to see them play the Nats.

Finally, I am flying into Chicago late Friday night and headed to SB early Saturday morning. Should be good times.

FF team:
QB: Carson Palmer, Chris Simms, Brad Johnson, Brian Griese
RB: Cadillac Williams, Willie Parker, Dominic Rhodes, Ahman Green
WR: Felonious Coles, Larry Fitzgerald, David Patten, Antwaan Randel El, Dante Stallworth, Amani Toomer, Mike Williams
TE: Alge Crumpler, Dallas Clark
PK: David Akers, Matt Bryant, John Hall
Defenses: Cowboys, Eagles, Vikings

Fearless predictions....which are sure to be wrong

2006-08-28T13:02:00.000-07:00

In honor of the first week of the college football season (it begins Thursday!!), let's make some bold predictions for the results of this season. And by this season, I mean the Irish.

Here's how I see the season breaking down:

Game 1 at Georgia Tech: this game actually scares me a lot more than most of the rest. In Calvin Johnson, GT has one of (if not the best) wide receiver in college football. What was the biggest weakness in the Irish defense last year? Exactly. I think the Irish win this one, but it is a lot more nerve-racking than the Pitt game last year. Irish 35-24.

Game 2 home against Penn State: PSU was absolutely gutted by graduation. I understand that they are a traditional power and have a hell of a linebacking corps and some very talented sophomores, but Michael Robinson will be difficult to replace. Irish 28-14.

Game 3 home against Michigan: Michigan is a difficult team to evaluate because they always look better before the season than during it. Plus, the Irish tend to play Michigan well even when the team was down (anyone remember the game in '97?). We win this one and it is not going to be as close as people predict going in. Irish 31-UM 17.

Game 4 at Michigan State: MSU, for some cosmically ironic reason, has had our number for a long time. Weis will have the guys "revenge-motivated," but this game is still closer than any of us like. Plus, it will almost certainly be a shootout, which is notoriously dangerous to the favorite. Irish 42-MSU 31.

Games 5-11: Purdue and Air Force are the only opponents I think will give the Irish a game here. Those two always play us tough. The Irish win both of those though, and Stanford, UCLA, Navy, UNC, Air Force and Army might have an occassional close game mixed in, but I cannot predict we lose any of those.

That brings us into Los Angeles 11-0 to face a USC team that very well might be 11-0 themselves. I know they lost Leinart and Bush (and White, blah, blah, blah), but that team -- perhaps more than any other in the recent era -- really does reload rather than rebuild. If we do roll into LA 11-0, though, I find it hard to believe the karma gods stop this train. Irish 35-USC 28.

So I have the Irish at 12-0 (so does Herbsteit, by the way). Bowl game is another story to be dealt with in December.

Agree? Disagree? Complete homer-ism? Probably.

TGIF

2006-08-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Finally....it's Friday. Unfortunately, there is no "real" football to look forward to this weekend (although I am looking forward to the Steelers-Eagles preseason game this evening).

A couple of interesting developments out of South Bend today. First, the release of the depth chart. Thanks to ROM and The Observer.

Offense

QB: Quinn
Sharpley

RB: Walker
(Thomas)
Prince

FB: Schwapp
McConnell

WR: Samardzija
Grimes

WR: McKnight
Anastacio
West

TE: Carlson
Freeman

RT: Young
Duncan

RG: Morton
Mattes

C: Sullivan
(Morton)
Chervanick

LG: Santucci
Olsen

LT: Harris
Turkovich

Defense

L DE: Abiamri
Ryan or Brown

L DT: Laws
Leitko

R DT: Landri
Kuntz

R DE: Talley
Frome

SLB: M Thomas
Venaglia

MLB: Crum
T Smith

WLB: Thomas
Brockington

LC: Wooden
Walls

SS: Zbikowski
Herring

FS: Ndukwe
McCarthy or Bruton

RC: Richardson
Lambert or McNeil

Punter: Price

Kicker: Gioia
Burkhart

Kick Off specialist: Renkes
Burkhart

Punt returner: Zbikowski
Grimes
West

Kick off return: Grimes
West
Walls
Prince

A couple of observations here:

ROM makes a good point about the lack of depth in the junior class here (there are only 6 juniors in the two-deep). That point should not be lost in all the pre-season optimism. Even with the impressive talent Weis managed to bring in for next season, the senior class of next year (and hence the team) is going to be awfully thin. This undercuts those pundits out there (and yes, I'm talking about you Mark May and Jason Whitlock) who have argued that Ty did a terrific job in recruiting.

That position, frankly, is a load of crap. Let's not forget that Ty almost completely missed Quinn. It was Quinn's persistence and fortunate timing that landed him at Notre Dame. Taking credit for that catch is a bit like me taking credit a drive that hits a tree and bounces back into the fairway. In some cases, the end result is all that matters. It doesn't make me a good golfer, and it most certainly did not make Ty a good recruiter. On the upside, Ty spends so much time on the golf course that he probably would not have hit the tree.

The second interesting piece of news, again courtesy of The Observer, is that ND has banned bars and individual satellites from dorm rooms. I get the prohibition on bars, although I think the reasoning ND gives is more than a little flawed. Having a Guiness bar sign on your wall does not (necessarily) "glorify drinking." Nor does the simple act of having a bar in the corner. I understand the general line of thought, however. Maybe someone should look into those troublemakers from 3-East?

The ban on satellites seems like pure silliness. If students are willing to reimburse the dorm for any damage caused in mounting the satellite, the "electrical hazard" risk seems pretty light. Certainly less significant than, say, a portable hottub in the room. Or something like that.

Morning Musings

2006-08-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts of the day:

Scariest stalker ever? Pay special attention to the part where the girlfriend says a GPS device fell off her car.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. I wish the endless stories on T.O. would finally stop. Maybe he'll get hit by a truck. Or simply melt in Dallas. I was there last weekend. That place is hotter than Satan's balls.

I think the contention in this article that mobile quarterbacks are of value in the college game is sound, but this guy takes it way too far. If mobility were truly that important, why wouldn't ND be ranked 20th? Quinn is many things but a QB in the mold of Young or Vick, he is not.

From the same page: enough photos of Laura Quinn. Please.

A top 25 list of high school teams can be found here. Notable for its inclusion of Clausen's team, Oaks Christian, at #3.

Evening Rumblings

2006-08-24T14:33:00.000-07:00

A few links and stories to read by the nighttable light this evening:

Shockingly, Jason Whitlock decided to write an article that makes sense. After his insanity regarding the firing of Willingham, I know this may come as a quite a surprise to most of you. Of course, the article had to be about race, but at least this time his argument actually holds together.

Carson Palmer will play in his first game on Monday. Anyone else think this ends badly?

Fantasy draft alert: apparently Mike Vanderjagt might be in danger of not making the Cowboys. I find this one hard to believe.

Finally, I heard an interesting story the other day from a friend of mine who is British and a huge World Cup fan. We were discussing soccer/football, which basically consisted of me peppering him with inane questions. He said that he had heard an explanation of the Zidane headbutt episode from one of his friends in Europe, and I thought I'd pass it along. Apparently, it was a not so well-kept secret that Zidane's wife was sleeping with one of the Italian players (we'll call him Player X). When Materazzi kept pulling his shirt, Zidane said "if you want my shirt I'll give it to you after the match." Materazzi's response was that if he wanted Zidane's shirt, he would just go to Player X's house. I have no idea if this is true, but it does bring up an interesting explanation for why neither Zidane nor Materazzi would reveal what was said on the pitch.

Until tomorrow, cheers.

You'll take it.....and like it

2006-08-24T13:14:00.000-07:00

So I received a very interesting question from Geaux Irish: "what would you do if you were in charge of college football for a day?" (I'm paraphrasing).

Hmmm....so many choices. Here are my top 5 in reverse order:

5. Eliminate the transfer rule where graduated players with eligibility remaining can transfer to a new program and play immediately. Florida has a cornerback from Utah this year under this program. I hate this rule. Virulently.

4. Require all colleges to house athletes with regular students for the first year. Sure, this will probably work for only a few months until the players begin simply camping out in each other's rooms. But I will tell you this -- I lived with a football player for the first semester freshman year, and it was a positive experience for both of us. Everyone complains that football players are too insulated and do not respect the rules that everyone else lives by. This can help alleviate that. Plus, it gives the regular students a chance at hooking up with the groupies.

3. 50% of every college stadium should be reserved for the students (unless the school does not have enough students to fill 1/2 of the stadium; at that point 100% of students should be guaranteed tickets). Can you imagine going to one of the huge state schools and not being able to go to each football game as an undergrad? 50% gives everyone the opportunity to see some of the games. Sounds fair to me.

2. Eliminate the "down when the knee touches" rule. I always hate when a player slips in the open field and the play ends there. It is a silly rule that inevitably ends up killing a team sometime during the year. Although it does lead to some hilarious results at the next level. Anyone else recall Plaxico Burress catching a first down for the Steelers and then spinning the ball like a top? Nice fumble, jackass.

1. Instant replay for all games -- or none. Presuming that it is handled correctly (i.e. the NFL), I am an instant replay fan. The idea of having it available for some games and not all is just silly, though. Almost every game is televised by someone somewhere; use those tapes for the IR.

Your thoughts?

Preseason Top 25

2006-08-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

Here is my preseason Top 25. Keep in mind a couple of things when reviewing the list. First, this is not an attempt to predict order of finish. Rather, this is what is commonly referred to as a "power ranking." That is, this is the order of the best teams as I see them (not who will win the national championship). If I was ranking who I thought had the best chance of going undefeated, West Virginia would obviously be at the top since they play in the AAA of D-IA football.

Second, it is a strange year in college football. There is no clear-cut favorite to win it all and every one of the teams in the top 10 has some issues to overcome. Let me know what you think.

Top 25

Numbers 1-10 with explanations

1. Ohio State: I know they need to replace 9 starters on defense but I simply cannot get past what tOSU did to ND in the Fiesta Bowl. The game was a lot more lopsided than the final score. Btw, I watched that game via satellite in Jamaica. That island is still pissed at me for the damage I did to the hotel room following that debacle.

2. Texas: scary team even without Vince Young. Obviously, either tOSU or UT loses early, but -- again -- this is not a predicted order of finish. There is a lot of NFL talent on this team.

3. LSU: a stacked team. Like all SEC schools, though, they play an absolutely brutal schedule. I may end up looking like a moron when they season is over because this team could go undefeated or have three losses.

4. Auburn: see LSU

5. Notre Dame: possibly the best offensive team in the country. Heisman candidate at quarterback. But.....defense was atrocious, despite what many ND fans have talked themselves into. I watched every one of the ND games last year. People seem to forget that Stanford almost beat ND. They stay at #5 until the defense proves it can hold good opponents under 500 yards.

6. USC: new QB but lots of talent. Hard to evaluate given the soft schedule the Pac-10 has historically provided. Won't really know about this time until late in the year.

7. West Virginia: can run on almost anyone. The real question will be can they pass?

8. Florida: Will this be the year Chris Leak gets it?

9. Louisville: The only team in the top 10 with 2 legitimate Heisman contenders. If they beat Miami early, watch out.

10. Cal: early game at Tennessee will answer a lot of questions

Numbers 11-25

11. Florida State
12. Miami
13. Oklahoma
14. Michigan
15. Iowa
16. Georgia
17. Penn State
18. Nebraska
19. Virginia Tech
20. Oregon
21. Tennessee
22. Clemson
23. Arizona State
24. TCU
25. Georgia Tech

Morning Musings

2006-08-24T05:57:00.000-07:00

If you've got ten minutes today, read this story. Not only is it a heck of a piece, but the guy involved also happens to be from Evansville, where I grew up. I don't know what he's talking about with the "no stoplights" crack, though. We had at least two or three.

For those of you interested in reading a really fresh take on ND sports, check out www.rakesofmallow.com. It's written primarily by two current ND students and is worth a look. If nothing else, it's always nice to see the perspective of a student during an uptick in ND's football status (this differs just a bit from my experiences there during the Davie years).

ESPN officially jinxed my Phillies here. Thanks guys.

How is it possible to score ten runs in the first inning and lose? You really suck, that's how.

Preview of the Top 25 coming later today.

Caveat Emptor and then some

2006-08-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

Want to go to a game here? Not a chance

It may be a simple case of my own naivete, but I did not realize the level and magnitude of the ticket scams currently being perpetrated on EBay and Craigslist. This is particularly true for anyone currently searching for Notre Dame tickets. The most current version of the scam on Ebay is the theft of a valid Ebay ID (generally with perfect or near-perfect feedback) and then an offer of tickets at "buy-it-now" prices considerably below market value.

For example, PSU-ND tix are currently going for between $600 and $1000 per ticket. The fraudulent offers are generally for four tickets for around $850. What makes the scam particularly enticing is that $850 for four tix is still significantly above face value (and thus the offer cannot be totally discounted as ridiculous).

Without fail, however, the scams all have a few things in common. First, the person selling the tix always has some sob story about how they are stuck in Europe, or Canada, or Timbuktu, and cannot make it back to the game. Or they are selling them for their boss. Or they won the tickets in some lottery (obviously not an ND person; no one wins anything in that lottery).

Another similarity is the use of an e-mail address other than the one listed for the seller. ilovetixx@yahoo.com was one of the most recent additions. Also noteworthy is the use of the same section and row in many of these offers (i.e. Section 105, row 22). Finally, they never want to meet in person to hand over the tickets nor will they take a credit card.

Craigslist is a simpler scam due to the lack of feedback contained in any offer. There the scam artists are involved in a basic cash grab involving a wire transfer. Good times.

Anyway, hope this helps any of you out in the market for tickets to big games this year.

Bonds = Satan?

2006-08-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

Due to the scant real news involving college football right now, I thought I'd tackle an interesting article from ESPN today. In the article, Jeff Pearlman argues rather strongly that (1) Barry Bonds is an evil human being and (2) that Barry should admit his alleged steriod use in the hope that it will somehow prevent the two San Francisco Chronicle writers, Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, from going to jail for refusing to divulge who leaked grand jury testimony regarding Bonds to them.

Point (1) is pretty much a given. If someone who cheats at his occupation, cheats on his wife and lies to federal authorities were anyone other than an extremely talented record-setting sports star, we would all readily agree that said person was a miserable human being. You readily condemn "that guy" you know at work who cheats on his expense reports while also trying to pick up the waitress during happy hour. Let's not pretend Bonds is any different here.

Point (2), however, is much more interesting. Let's put aside whether such an admission would spare the writers the Oz-like fate they are facing. The result of such an admission is not relevant to the larger issue. Print journalists are currently decrying the persecution of the two writers by claiming "freedom of the press" and making analogies to Watergate and the Pentagon Papers. Please. Such an argument cheapens not only what the reporters who broke those stories went through but also the idea of a "free press."

The government is not after the two reporters for the information they wrote in the newspaper while ostensibly doing their jobs. Rather, the government wants to know who leaked the grand jury testimony to the reporters, which the reporters put into a book. I have not heard that the reporters wrote the book for free. The government wants to know who broke the law and gave the reporters information that they subsequently wrote a profitable book about. Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Someone explain to me how this is different from insider trading.

And please stop with the comparisons to Watergate and the Pentagon Papers. Those were issues where the government itself was lying to the public and serious issues of national security were involved. Everyone does not have the right to know everything.

The serious issue here is not what was said at the grand jury but that it did not remain secret. The judicial system has lots of problems -- but one of the good things about it is the ability of people to testify truthfully before a grand jury without fear of having their testimony published.

Entry into Blogosphere

2006-08-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you who somehow managed to find this blog...welcome. The purpose of this blog is to comment on sports (and other) stories that are interesting, amusing or just plain weird. Hopefully you'll get some amusement out of the blog itself; if not, try not to mention it.

I intend for this blog to focus mainly on the college sports world for a couple of reasons. First, I tend to follow college sports pretty closely -- particularly in the fall. I hope this translates into (reasonably) intelligent opinions. Second, skewered college athletes are less likely to sue.

I'll be back with the first real post shortly.