Is This Seriously Going to Happen?

Well, that was a pretty wild weekend of college football. It started, as it often does with me, while I was at a poker game. I'm over at my buddy Sean's house playing a little hold 'em and eight-or-better Omaha (dealer ante, of course), and the Louisville-Rutgers game comes on. Due to my wife being from Louisville, I feel compelled to sit through the horror that is this game. When Louisville is up 25-7, I am feeling pretty good about UofL's championship chances. I figure, at this point, that ND is totally out of the running, so I should root for UofL.

But not so fast, my friend, says Corso. Louisville loses to Rutgers, followed by losses by Texas, Auburn and Cal. Tennessee also lost, which is not necessarily relevant for ND's title hopes, but makes me all warm and fuzzy inside nonetheless. So now ND is ranked #5 in the BCS, with a legitimate shot at the BCS national championship game if they beat USC and Florida manages to lose.

Here is my dilemma. A month ago I bought ticket futures for ND in the Sugar Bowl. If you haven't seen how this works yet, you should definitely check it out. You pay a certain amount of money per ticket, and then if your team makes that particular bowl game, you buy tickets to that game at face value. Before Saturday, all looked to be in line for an ND Sugar Bowl appearance. I don't know if I plan to go to the game or sell the tickets, but the point is that I would have the tickets. Now, if ND goes to the NC game, I am more than happy to forfeit that money. However, if ND goes to the Rose Bowl because tOSU and UM get a rematch, I am going to be pissed.

On to the game recap.....

ND-Air Force, 39-17

Five Things I Liked:

1. Brady Quinn's rocket arm.

2. The sight of the Shark running free in the secondary.

3. Charlie's playcalling on the first two series.

4. Charlie not running up the score just to impress voters.

5. Four touchdown passes to four different receivers.

Honorable mention: Rhema's move after he caught his TD pass. Showed strength and agility. We'll need both against USC.

Five Things I Didn't Like

1. STOP THE RUN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

2. Continued inability to wrap up by Zibby.

3. Is it that difficult to recruit a kicker? It seems like there are probably lots of kids who would like to come to ND and could kick a fucking extra point. Really. It doesn't seem that hard.

4. Dropped passes. Yes, I am looking at you Darius Walker.

5. Life after Quinn looks bleak right now.


This was again one of those weeks where I was very happy to win, but playing a service academy always is a little depressing because it feels like beating up on someone who is not quite capable of responding in kind. 9-1, though, is very nice.

NFL Week 10

While ND prepares for Air Force (can we please learn how to defend someone in the first half?!?), the NFL rolls on. Now that my beloved Steelers are all-but-mathematically eliminated from a meaningful game in January, there is no joy in Rockville.


He's supposed to beat the Bears
this weekend. Umm, sure.


On the upside, I am going to Vegas in March, so this blog will likely look more like a police blotter at that time.

Anyway - on to the games for this week. As always, send your five picks to questionablecommentary@yahoo.com. This means you, SpragueND.

Favorite Spread Underdog

Kansas City Chiefs 1 MIAMI DOLPHINS

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS 10.5 Houston Texans

San Diego Chargers 1.5 CINCINNATI BENGALS

ATLANTA FALCONS 8 Cleveland Browns

Baltimore Ravens 7 TENNESSEE TITANS

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 11.5 Buffalo Bills

PITTSBURGH STEELERS 4 New Orleans Saints

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 7 Washington Redskins

NEW YORK GIANTS 1 Chicago Bears

MINNESOTA VIKINGS 5 Green Bay Packers

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 10.5 New York Jets

DETROIT LIONS 6 San Francisco 49ers

Denver Broncos 9 OAKLAND RAIDERS

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 3.5 St. Louis Rams

Dallas Cowboys 7 ARIZONA CARDINALS

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

CAROLINA PANTHERS 9.5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Working Too Much

The disaster of the last UNC-ND meeting


and posting too little. QC will try to do better in the future. Anyway, below is a rundown of last week's game against North Carolina plus the updated scores for the NFL pool.

ND 45 - UNC 26

Five Things I Liked

1. Brady Quinn is the man. A good number of the throws he made on Saturday were NFL-caliber (looking off coverage, going all the way through the progression, superior arm strength, etc.)

2. Zibby finally holding onto a punt return. That was nice to see.

3. Scoring seemingly at will in the second half.

4. Shark and Rhema having huge days together. Grimes emerging as a true third threat.

5. The hoodie.


Five Things I Didn't Like

1. The gaping holes in the secondary.

2. Our seemingly endless inability to tackle an opposing player in the open field.

3. Allowing a return touchdown.

4. Allowing Joe Dailey to look like Joe Montana.

5. That games like this somehow damage Brady's Heisman chances. It infuriates me that a QB at tOSU (who, btw, admitted taking cash from a booster a/k/a cheating) can throw for 100 yards and an interception and not be penalized for playing crappy competition.


Scores from this week (a/k/a my eyes are bleeding):

Geaux Irish: 46 points (nice work)
Clown Hater: 11 points
Festering in Dallas: 1 point
SpragueND: 1 point
QC: 0
CU Lions: 0

Updated standings out tomorrow. I don't think they will be favorable for me.

No more John L. Smith and other tidbits from around the world

• John L. Smith ("Jonelle" for purposes of this character assassination), was fired Wednesday from his position as head football coach at Michigan State. This development alternatively delights and saddens me. It delights me because Jonelle was, and is, not a particularly good human being. First, he broke his contract with the University of Louisville but was so bad at keeping the secret that his players found out via cell phone during the game. Second, he refused to discipline his players for the flag planting incident last year. I'm not saying the guy is a criminal; just that he is a used car salesman who finally got caught trying to sell another lemon. It saddens me because Jonelle, despite his record against ND, was not likely to beat Charlie again. Ever. This is one guaranteed win we lose each year. MSU might hire someone competent, and that means another difficult game each year.

• Cal and Tennessee jumping ND in the polls in the last two weeks is the best evidence of pollsters' bias I can point to. Neither team played the week before. Cal's movement is particularly egregious, as ND blew out Navy (as expected). Unless ND goes undefeated in coming years, we have no shot at playing for a national title.

• I went to the Navy game, and it lacked something. Don't misunderstand me - I had a terrific time and was glad to see ND look so good (especially on offense). The main thing missing was any animosity for the opponent (and rightly so). I have the ultimate respect for the service academies - they are populated by young men and women doing something I could not have done. It's difficult to be too happy about a win over them; the game feels more like a scrimmage.

• Louisville beat West Virginia last night and should be #3 in the BCS standings on Sunday. They deserve it. I am tired of the SEC apologists who cry that the Big East is undeserving of a NC bid. My answer to them is the same answer I gave about ND - win all your games and it won't be a problem. Unless you're Auburn in '04. That one probably did kind of suck.

• Want to see something from the legal world that is priceless. Harold Reynold's complaint.

• My picks for this weekend's games: Cowboys, Packers, Bears, Falcons, Patriots (Seattle on MNF). Guaranteed to go 2-3 at best.

• Prediction for the ND-UNC game: ND 35, UNC 14.

Performances are Improving..We're Second World Status Now, Baby!

Nice job by the pool participants this week in rebounding from the horror that was the Week 7 picks. We're still not performing "well," but we'll take it at this point. Listed below are the standings. Longer and more detailed post coming tomorrow about the week that was, including Jonelle's firing, Notre Dame's continued prison rape in the polls, why attending games against the service academies lacks something and other a la carte commentary.

Results for Week 8:

SpragueND: 41
CU Lions: 41
QC: 25
Geaux Irish: 25
Clown Hater: 21
Festering in Dallas: 16

Predictions for the Week

Here are my picks for this week's chosen games:

25 points, Colts (+2.5) @ Broncos: Manning has owned Denver, and despite the Colts' seeming weakness this year (14-13 over Tennessee), I like Peyton to do enough to win this one.

15 points, Steelers (-9) @ Oakland: Even with Big Ben wondering where his motorcycle is, I like the Steelers in this one.

10 points, Eagles (-6) vs. Jaguars: Eagles seem to play well every other week, so we're going with them on this one.

5 points, Bengals (-4) vs. Falcons: I hate to pick the Bengals, but they should win this game by a bunch. The Steelers should have beaten Atlanta by two touchdowns last week but committed some stupid turnovers.

1 point, Jets (+2) @ Browns: Mangini has the Jets playing hard. The Browns cannot score very many points. I'll take a shot.

Revisionist History, Indeed (plus the NFL spreads for this Week)

Apparently Jerry Springer was ousted last night on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars." I found this out via the MSNBC article titled "Jerry Springer: Gentleman Till the End." This is hilarious to me. Some of you may not be aware of this, but prior to breaking up fights between transvestite lovers who may or may not be siblings, Jerry was actually an elected official -- the mayor of Cincinnati. But it gets better than just the tale of following up a career of public service with referring cage matches between twelve year-old crack and sex addicts.

Do you know why Jerry Springer is no longer the mayor of Cincinnati? Because he was caught with a prostitute. Who he attempted to pay with a City of Cincinnati check. That bounced. I honestly cannot make this sh*t up. So, Jerry is quite clearly a gentleman till the end. Or at least until it's time to pay the hooker.

On to this week's NFL spreads. Remember, assign 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 point to each game. Pick the MNF winner (we can dispense with the point total from now on) if you have not already done so. here goes:

Favorite Spread Underdog

TENNESSEE TITANS 3 Houston Texans

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 6 Jacksonville Jaguars

CINCINNATI BENGALS 4 Atlanta Falcons

NEW YORK GIANTS 9 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

CHICAGO BEARS 16.5 San Francisco 49ers

GREEN BAY PACKERS 3 Arizona Cardinals

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 6 Seattle Seahawks

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 2 Baltimore Ravens

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS 8.5 St. Louis Rams

Pittsburgh Steelers 9 OAKLAND RAIDERS

CLEVELAND BROWNS 2 New York Jets

DENVER BRONCOS 2.5 Indianapolis Colts

CAROLINA PANTHERS 4.5 Dallas Cowboys

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

New England Patriots 2 MINNESOTA VIKINGS

I Rank Thee

Here are the rankings for the NFL pool as it currenty stands (dropping the worst three weeks for everyone). Very close race, actually.



Geaux Irish: 155 points
Clown hater: 144 points
SpragueND: 127 points
CU Lions: 122 points
QC: 112 points
Festering in Dallas: 105 points

We're Not Good At Gambling

Not that this needed independent confirmation for any of you who have had the opportunity to witness the awesome power of my suckitude whilst in a casino, but it should be noted that we, QC and its readers, are not good at picking winners in the NFL. The results of the pool are listed below. To be fair, this week in the NFL had its share of surprises, so the results are not that out of whack with what the "experts" picked as well.

Winner of the pool this week is CU Lions, with a whopping total of 25 points.
Three-way tie for second with SpragueND, Festering in Dallas and WC coming in at 15 points.
Geaux Irish rebounded from last week's zero points to post 5 this week.
And Clown Hater took over the zero spot.

Cheers!

Unparalleled idiocy, really

I normally avoid politics on this site, primarily because it's a sport commentary site, and because the discussion of politics (particularly in an electoral environment) really leaves me depressed.

HOWEVER, I do not avoid unarguably blatant stupidity, and that's what this is. Take some more Oxycontin, big fella. In fact, take the whole bottle and spare us your blathering.

In ND news, Charlie was apparently not happy that Tennessee and Florida jumped ND in the polls. I agree that Tennessee should be behind ND, but Florida's lower ranking seemed to me to be a product of losing in the middle of the season rather than at the beginning. I do not believe ND could beat Florida if they were to play tomorrow, so I have no real problem with that ranking.

Attending only my third away game ever this weekend (first: Michigan in 1997). The second one was Michigan State in 1998, so let's hope this is a more successful road trip for the Irish (and for me -- that was the day I screamed at EM, left Keenan and drove to East Lansing through a freaking blizzard. Then ND got hammered and we almost were assualted leaving that shithole that is East Lansing. Nice day, all in all). So Go Irish, Beat Navy.

NFL Week in Review

Monday Night Football is becoming a seriously painful viewing (and particularly listening) experience. That's right, I'm talking about you, Joe Theisman. Tirico does a serviceable job as the play-by-play announcer (despite the ridiculous guests welcomed to the booth -- Hank Williams, Jr.??) and Kornheiser is very, very good as the "everyman" color commentator. Theisman, however, seems to exist solely for the purpose of disagreeing with everything Kornheiser says. Last night, for example, Tony K. made a number of salient points regarding Drew Bledsoe's immobility and how it was hurting the Cowboys' chances. Joe, of course, disagreed, most likely because the hummer Drew gave him before the game was still in the back of his mind. Joe would make a perfect high school coach (belligerent, does not know how to actually coach, former athlete). Please ESPN, I am literally begging you.

On to the games:

Atlanta 41, Pittsburgh 38: Because God hates me (could it be the kitchen knife I held to my brother's stuffed animal's neck as a child??), the Falcons covered with the kick. I wish herpes were more disabling, Ron Mexico. Part of me thinks I should have decapitated that stuffed bear as well. At least I would have gotten my money's worth for that divine retribution.

New England 28, Buffalo 6: New England is starting to play better and now looks like the prime candidate to knock Indy from the realm of the unbeatens. Belicheck must be a great coach, because there are few players on that team I would want playing for ND in college right now. OK, maybe the offensive line guys. Buffalo? Not good. The world needs ditchdiggers, too, Bills.

Cincinnati 17, Carolina 14: The Bengals win a close one. Very impressive considering 1/2 the team is in jail.

Kansas City 30, San Diego 27: San Diego completely befuddles me. One week great, the next shitty. Schottenheimer is just waiting to screw the pooch on this one. I have Week 13 in the pool.

Green Bay 34, Miami 24: They played this game? All tapes were immediately burned, so I'll have to take your word for it. Brett Farve's farewell tour continues. Interesting question: who's had the worse last two years: Brett or President Bush? Tough call, I say.

New York Jets 31, Detroit 24: Eric Mangini continues making a difference with the Jets. The Lions continue to suck. At least they didn't cheat, as opposed to some other Detroit teams we know....

Tampa Bay 23, Philadelphia 21: 62 yard field goal???!!!!! Maddening inconsistency from the Eagles, but the Bucs are a decent team that really could not afford the exploding spleen of their starting quarterback.

Houston 27, Jacksonville 7: stinker game. Jacksonville is not this bad, nor is Houston this good. For one week, though, Texan fans can forget they passed on the single most exciting player of the last decade.

Denver 17, Cleveland 7: Denver may go 13-3 without ever having to score 30 points. Ridiculous. And when they need Jake the Snake in the playoffs, he will choke. Also, the sun will come up tomorrow. I'm just saying.

Indianapolis 36, Washington 22: I thought I was denigrating the Skins when I said they would go 8-8. Now they would be lucky to do so.

Oakland 22, Arizona 9: tick, tock, tick, tock...Denny Green's coaching life whittling away.

Minnesota 31, Seattle 19: Good for the Vikings. Hard to celebrate on a sex cruise after a loss.

Giants 36, Cowboys 22: Parcells is Hobbsian (except that "short" refers now to his tenure) at this point. I hate both this teams. A plague upon both their houses.

Scores from the pool to follow tomorrow.

Hilarious

If you're looking for a laugh today, check out the article titled "Rules for Fat People at Sporting Events" at MZone.

Well done.

So I'm Supposed to Go to This Wedding....

...on Saturday for two friends from D.C., and of course, the wedding begins at 3:30. I think to myself, no problem, the Irish are supposed to beat UCLA by two touchdowns. I brought my cell phone/PDA with me knowing that I could (1) log onto the internet and get delayed scores and (2) get text messages from my brother-in-law with the score. As an aside, who gets married on a Saturday in the fall? Especially people our age? Priorities, people.

So what happens? ND scores first (this is during the ceremony when I get the score), and all is well. Then UCLA scores - and then scores again. Now I am a little worried. We've moved into the reception portion of the wedding (pre-dinner). I am, at this point, nervously checking the scores every few minutes.

Long story short - we end up leaving the wedding because the little one is becoming uncontrollable, and get back in the car with UCLA punting. ND gets the ball back with 1:02. The rest is absolute beauty.

A couple of things about the game: from everything I've heard, the O-line played atrociously. That needs to change in a hurry. Also, ND had better beat USC. As they continue to slip in the polls and the BCS while winning, a loss to USC could knock us out of contention for a BCS bowl game. The Gator Bowl doesn't sound real enjoyable right now.

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 7

Crunched for time this week, so I've only listed my top 5 picks again and the reasons why. Here goes:

25: Steelers - because they are my team and are due for another win. Plus Atlanta cannot throw he ball.

15: Chargers - Chiefs suck.

10: Jets - they're at home against the Lions and only giving 3.5

5 - Carolina - I hate the Bengals

1 - Arizona - because the Raiders will not cover.

MNF: Cowboys, 47 total points

NFL Pool, Week 7

Listed below are the games and spreads for the week. Same rules as always: pick 5 games, assigning 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 points. Pick the MNF game (if not already picked) and the total number of points in that game. E-mail your picks to questionablecommentary@yahoo.com.

Favorite Spread Underdog

San Diego Chargers 5.5 KANSAS CITY CHEIFS

Jacksonville Jaguars 9.5 HOUSTON TEXANS

New England Patriots 5.5 BUFFALO BILLS

Pittsburgh Steelers 1.5 ATLANTA FALCONS

MIAMI DOLPHINS 4 Green Bay Packers

Philadelphia Eagles 5 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

NEW YORK JETS 3.5 Detroit Lions

CINCINNATI BENGALS 3.5 Carolina Panthers

Denver Broncos 4.5 CLEVELAND BROWNS

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 9.5 Washington Redskins

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 6.5 Minnesota Vikings

Arizona Cardinals 2.5 OAKLAND RAIDERS

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

DALLAS COWBOYS 3 New York Giants

Let the Heavens Be Praised....

...we're back. Whether we're better having had some rest on vacation, well...let's not get ahead of ourselves. First order of business is some housekeeping. Listed below are the scores from last week's pool. They are not good, which is to be expected in a week where Detroit, Tampa Bay and Tennessee all finally managed to get victories. Oakland did the 0-fer crowd proud, though, by continuing their unbroken streak of pathetic play. When the spread on the game is more than the average points the other team scores (Denver 12.7, spread was 15), it might be time to find a new team to root for. Anyway, on to the carnage:

SpragueND: 31 points
CU Lions: 26 points
QC: 25 points
Festering in Dallas: 15
Clown hater: 1
Geaux Irish: 0

First time anyone has achieved the coveted "zero" point total while still submitting picks. Reminds me of a story, actually. Back in high school in bucolic Evansville, Indiana (don't ask), I was invited to join a four member bowling team for the summer of my sophomore year. Since my other options were (i) working or (ii) working, I went with the bowling option. We had a team of two girls and two guys, and all of us could rightly be described as "very bad." But so was everyone else in this league.

The league decided that, due to occasional no-shows, it needed to institute a "blind score," which is a replacement score for any member of your team that did not show for the match (80 pins, in this case). By the end of the season, our other guy member was so bad that the girls on the team were openly rooting for him not to make the match because 80 pins was about 30 higher than he could possible achieve. I was rooting for him not to show for other, more devious reasons.

On to the world at large and some random musings.

The first BCS rankings were released Sunday and ND is eighth. I don't really have a problem with eighth since most of the teams ahead of ND are probably better. We'll see if we get to USC 10-1.

Articles today about Weis being approached by various NFL teams during the bye week. The best quote of the article was Weis saying "I'm here until they fire me, or I die." I don't think anyone's firing you anytime soon, coach.

Cardinals and Mets in a Game 7 tonight. Can either of these teams beat the Tigers? Mets probably have a better shot, if only because it would be strength against strength (Tiger's pitching versus met's hitting). The Cardinals don't hit or pitch as well as the Tigers, which means they'll probably win.

Miami football, despite Stewart Mandel's vigorous defense yesterday, is a thuggish program. What Stewart fails to understand is that you do not get a free pass on everything that has happened in the past. He wonders why the special prejudice for Miami. I would argue that it is because Miami, almost singularly during the past twenty-five years, has not only disgraced itself repeatedly in on- and off-field incidents, but has publicly reveled in doing so. For example, see Miami's former-player-turned-announcer. If you want to have a program that relies on "living on the edge," don't cry when the edge cuts you. And Donna Shalala as a university president is obscene. Please.

Hockey is apparently in-season. Who knew?

Currently reading Flags of Our Fathers. Only about 50 pages in, but absolutely terrific so far. it is the story of the six soldiers who raised the U.S. flag at Iwo Jima. If you're looking for an easy read that is also pretty powerful, pick it up. Also just finished Malcolm Gladwell's Blink, a book about harnassing the power of split-second impressions. Very interesting, although I liked his Tipping Point more.

Joe Theisman is atrocious. My ears literally bleed when I am forced to listen to his ramblings. Is there no one else who could do that job competently?

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 6

My feeble attempt at prognostication this week:

25: San Diego
15: Philadelphia
10: Cincinnati
5: Chicago
1: Seattle

MNF total points 37

83 and sunny in Hilton Head today. Snowing in D.C. tomorrow. ^%$&%#.

Vacation looming

Headed on vacation shortly, so list below is abbreviated. Will try to post something interesting while on vacation. Go Irish, beat Cardinal.

Winners against the spread: Indianapolis, Washington, Detroit, New Orleans, St. Louis, New England, Chicago (10), Cleveland, Jets (15), Kansas City (25), San Francisco, Philadelphia (5), Pittsburgh (1), Baltimore.

NFL Pool, Week 5

After that shitacular week last week, here's hoping QC can get a little more on track with this week's slate of games. I altered the format of the listing slightly for ease of reading, but the rules remain the same: list your 25, 15, 10, 5 and 1 point games, the MNF football winner (if not already selected) and the total number of points scored on MNF. Send your entries to questionablecommentary@yahoo.com.

Week 5 Games

Tennessee (+18.5) @ Indianapolis
Skins (+4.5) @ Giants
Detroit (+6.5) @ Minnesota
Tampa Bay (+6) @ New Orleans
St. Louis (-3) @ Green Bay
Miami (+9.5) @ New England
Buffalo (+10.5) @ Bears
Browns (+8) @ Panthers
Jets (+7) @ Jaguars
Kansas City (-3.5) @ Cardinals
Oakland (+3.5) @ San Francisco'
Dallas (+2.5) @ Eagles
Steelers (+3.5) @ Chargers

MNF: Ravens (+4) @ Broncos

Jeter Continues His Nefarious Plot to Drive A-Rod to Suicide

Not surprisingly, given that it is October and the Yankees have once again made the playoffs, Derek Jeter went 5-for-5 last evening with two singles, two doubles and a home run. Alex Rodriguez managed a single to go 1-for-4. I think this has less to do with Jeter being "clutch" in the playoffs than it has to do with Jeter's single-minded obsession to destroy A-Rod. Four years ago, A-Rod made some fairly disparaging comments regarding Jeter in Esquire, and Jeter has clearly never forgotten. We here at QC applaud this type of lengthy retribution and hope for it to continue for many years. Even if Derek Jeter is clearly a minion of Satan.

Mike and Mike had an interesting debate this morning regarding Jeter/A-Rod (and by extension, Peyton Manning/Tom Brady). The debate was which player would you select if starting a team? They had Tony Dorsett on as a guest and he argued strongly that Brady was a "winner" and since the object of sports is winning, he is the "obvious" choice. While I agree that between Manning and Brady I would select Brady (little statistical dropoff plus proven success in the playoffs), how far does this argument logically extend? Mark Rypien won a Super Bowl. Is he a "winner"? Trent Dilfer? It seems to me that arguing about the impact of one player's "refusal to lose" when 21 other players also affect the outcome is short-sighted.


Watched Friday Night Lights last night. Stop reading if you don't want to know what happened. There are a couple of points that need to be made regarding this show. First, I am absolutely convinced that people from Texas are batshit crazy when it comes to football. Putting that much energy into anything involving high school kids is insane. Second, the show has promise, although they did rely on the "star quarterback is injured in the first game" cliche and also threw in the "back-up QB leads them to victory" cliche as well. Varsity Blues, anyone? The show will be interesting only if they concentrate on the lives off the field. Gratuitous high school sex, violence and alcohol abuse is always good for entertainment on an otherwise slow Tuesday.

In the list of bad decisions, this one ranks right up there. Have a cold one for me, Mel.




And finally...you know those times when you feel a little down and think the world rewards those who take the easy way out or cheat their way to the top? Sister Mary Ann at St. Ignatius used to say those people would get their "comeuppance" in the next life. Sometimes it's good to see karma kick those people in the balls now, though. I give you:

Nice game against Illinois, donkey.

NFL Recap, Week 4

Bad week for the pseudo-gambler (5-7). I managed to lose a couple of games by a point or less, but that's why the oddsmakers know what they're doing. Listed below is the recap of the games and the point totals for the pool this week.

Atlanta 32, Arizona 10: Thankfully the Kurt Warner Era in Arizona is ending, and that should make the gambling component of this team much easier to understand. Atlanta is an enigma to me. Maybe that Saints game really was rigged, and Atlanta is a better team than it first appeared to be.

Buffalo 17, Minnesota 12: Is J.P. Losman for real? Short answer: no. Always hard to predict the winner of a donkey fight, which is what this was.

Dallas 45, Tennessee 17: I actually changed my pick once I heard Vince Young was starting, so a little pat on the back for QC. All of the national reporters seem to think this was a positive beginning for Vince Young (and maybe it was). I actually think he is going to be a terrible quarterback and have very little success at the NFL level. One of the reasons for this is that Vince is very, very stupid. It's generally difficult to succeed at the QB position in the NFL without an 80-IQ (but Carson Palmer is doing it, so anything is possible).

Kansas City 41, San Fran 0: Question -- why did SF ever switch uniforms? I was watching a game on ESPN Classic the other day, and the old uniforms look so much better than the current ones. KC might be decent this year, but they need Trent Green back to be able to beat a real team.

Indianapolis 31, NYJ 28: Jets continue to overachieve, while the Colts continue to live on the razor's edge. Indy is not going to win it all without a real running game, so my bet is someone else comes out of the AFC this year. The Jets could be really good in a couple of years.

Carolina 21, New Orleans 18: Perhaps the NFC South is just this bad. NO looks like a legit 8-8 or 9-7 team, despite the difficult upcoming schedule. Carolina is going nowhere unless Steve Smith gets healthy in a hurry.

Baltimore 16, San Diego 13: feels like 2000 all over again. The Ravens defense controls games and the offense does just enough to win (or not lose). McNair is an obvious upgrade at QB, but the Ravens are winning with smoke and mirrors right now. San Diego was bitten by Marty's conservative playcalling (again). He's like the Chan Gailey of the NFL.

Houston 17, Miami 15: I told you about Daunte Culpepper. Not good. Houston gets their first win (on the way to 4). The Dolphins are so pissed they did not sign Drew Brees and his cockroach face right now. Although that guy and Sam Cassell might be the only two professional athletes ugly enough to not get laid on South Beach.

St. Louis 41, Detroit 34: Please fire Matt Millen. It's inexplicable how both he and Donald Rumsfeld still have jobs. Is actual job performance not a category in their reviews? "You seem like a nice guy...."

New England 38, Cincinnati 13: Excuse me while I do the dance of joy.

Cleveland 24, Oakland 21: Oakland blows a 21-3 lead. Art Shell continues to impress with the depths he is willing to go to appease gamblers. Nice investment in Aaron Brooks, by the way.

Washington 36, Jacksonville 30: The Redskins tried very hard to lose this game but managed to find a way to win it due to the brilliance of Santana Moss. Brutal schedule still makes for an 8-8 team.

Chicago 37, Seattle 6: Perhaps Chicago is for real. They certainly appear to be the class of the NFC (and possibly the NFL) right now. That defense is impressive, and the offense looks good as well.

Philadelphia 31, Green Bay 9: score inflated by Farve's inability to complete passes to members of his own team (and his amazing ability to complete lots of passes to the opposition). Eagles are the class of this division, as I told you. No TO = peace.

This Week: 5-7
YTD: 21-23-1

If we were wagering $100 on each game (and we had to pay a $10 vig for each loss), current winnings/losings for the year: minus $430


NFL Pool Results

Clown Hater: 46
Festering in Dallas: 30
SpragueND: 30
Geaux Irish: 20
CU Lions: 20
Questionable Commentary: 15

Thoughts as we Begin the Work Week

So, I did not see the ND-Purdue game on Saturday. I was playing in a charity golf outing and only managed to see a few plays while making the turn. Obviously, I caught the highlights, but since ND is #12, that consisted of about 3 plays. Anyone want to give a quick rundown of the game in the comments section? How did we give up 400 yards passing to Purdue? Did we play well?

Below are some random thoughts I had while driving into work today and while sitting here not working. Enjoy (or not).

• I hate dolphins. Most of my ire is directed at the ones in Miami, who have consistently cost me money this year, but - out of spite - I also include the annoying mammals shown in the picture to the right. Has the dolphin ever actually accomplished anything (other than a starring role in Ace Ventura)?
  

• Rumsfeld says he won't resign. I find this shocking, particularly because people always seem so eager to give up power. Besides, isn't there some quasi-Arab monarchy/dictatorship with oil that needs a democratic government imposed by force?
  

• Ahh, the last refuge of the truly depraved (hiding). Representative Foley, after sending e-mails to 16-year male pages with lines like "Do I make you horny?" is now claiming alcoholism and is entering an alcohol treatment facility. No word yet on whether visiting high school youth groups have been propositioned by Foley. Bonus depravity: Foley was chair of the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus.

• I told you the Phillies would collapse in the most painful possible way.
  

• What a dumb-ass. Airplanes/airports are not a really good place for personal expression, buddy. TSA screeners...ahh, reminds me of a story. When I was looking to change jobs a while back, I had to take an aptitude test (remedial math and reading questions to judge basic competency) at a computer store where they also administered the TSA screener entrance exam. Apparently, you need only score 80% on the TSA exam to pass, and here was one of the questions: "Identify the gun from the following two images (images of scissors and a pistol is put on the screen)." I am not kidding.

• Wow. Porn is now Wal-Mart. KUPs apparently now longer needs a commissioner. Sad day.
  

• Clemens reported to have used steroids. I hope this is true, if only because the Rocket is such a monumental jackass. Somewhere, Bill Simmons just had an accident in his pants.

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 4

Interesting slate of games this week. I'm leaving for Cincinnati shortly, so light posting today. Just a short list of predicted winners below. If you have not sent me your picks, cough them up.

Week 4

Indy @ Jets (+9): too big a spread for a visiting team

Chargers (-2.5) @ Ravens (1 point): Ravens couldn't cover against the Browns


Vikings (+1) @ Bills (25 pts): The Vikes almost beat the Bears and now they're 'dogs to the Bills?

Cowboys (-9.5) @ Titans: huge spread for an away team

Niners (+7) @ Chiefs: Trent Green still out; feels like a four point game

Saints (+7.5) @ Panthers (5 points): Carolina barely beat Tampa Bay and they're more than a touchdown favorites against a 3-0 team?

Arizona (+7) @ Atlanta: who knows? I'll take the Cardinals

Miami (-4) @ Houston (15 points): Texans are really bad

Detroit (+5.5) @ St. Louis: Rams should not be a 5.5 point favorite over anyone

New England (+6) @ Cinci: NE has not lost back-to-back games since the end of 2002. They cover.

Jacksonville (-2.5) @ Washington: Jags barely cover.

Browns (-2.5) @ Oakland (10 points): Oakland should be a 10-point dog to any team in the league

Seattle (+3.5) @ Bears: Seattle getting points seems like a good bet

Packers (+11) @ Eagles: Big, big number to cover for a team that cannot stop the pass at the end of games. Feels like a 31-24 type of game. 55 total points.

NFL Pool, Week 4

Attached are the games and point spreads for this week's NFL contests. As always, pick 5 games (assigning 25 , 15, 10, 5 and 1 point to each), pick the MNF winner and total number of points in the MNF game. Home team in CAPS. Enjoy.

Favorite Spread Underdog

Indianapolis Colts 9 NEW YORK JETS

San Diego Chargers 2.5 BALTIMORE RAVENS

BUFFALO BILLS 1 Minnesota Vikings

Dallas Cowboys 9.5 TENNESSEE TITANS

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 7 San Francisco 49ers

CAROLINA PANTHERS 7.5 New Orleans Saints

ATLANTA FALCONS 7 Arizona Cardinals

Miami Dolphins 4 HOUSTON TEXANS

ST. LOUIS RAMS 5.5 Detroit Lions

CINCINNATI BENGALS 6 New England Patriots

Jacksonville Jaguars 2.5 WASHINGTON REDSKINS

Cleveland Browns 2.5 OAKLAND RAIDERS

CHICAGO BEARS 3.5 Seattle Seahawks

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 11 Green Bay Packers

ND to Offer Season Tickets

In an unusual move, Notre Dame is making 5,000 season tickets available next year in order to help fund the stadium preservation (expected to cost at least $40MM). There is a $50 fee to put your name on the lottery list and also a tickets rights fee of up to $2000 per ticket (plus the face value of the ticket). Details here.

Also included in the article is a description of how to improve your chances in the ticket lottery. The point seems to be, basically, give enough money to be in the Sorin Society. We'll file this one under "Obvious."

I will not be applying for season tickets due to geographical constraints, but it might work for some of you who get back to the games more regularly.

Maybe I Should Just Flip a Coin??

Not going to Make 6 Unless They Pick it Up

Week 3 of the NFL is now in the books, and what a week it was...wait, it wasn't very interesting? Damn.

We're about two weeks away from knowing exactly how this NFL season is going to play out, but for now, it's still anybody's guess. Listed below is my commentary on each game and the pool results for the week. Needless to say, this is going to be one of the drop weeks for a lot of folks.

NYJ 28, Buffalo 20: I managed to catch the end of this game, and all I can say is that watching J.P. Losman throw the football makes me want to vomit. On two consecutive checkdown swing passes, he threw the ball so high that, even when jumping, his running back could not make the catch. This was during a final drive to tie the game, mind you. Terrible.

Green Bay 31, Detroit 24: The mind-numbing caricature that is Brett Favre lives for another week. BF finally performs well in the Detroit dome (surprising everyone) and Detroit collapses (surprising no one).

Indy 21, Jacksonville 14: Indy finds a way to win against a pretty tough competitor (although J'ville helped them out as well). Indy again looks good for 13 or 14 wins and a complete chokejob in the playoffs. Same old, same old.

Miami 13, Tennessee 10: I told you the spread on this game was way too high. When two teams of such enormous suckitude face each other, a point spread of 11 is ridiculous. By squeaking past the Titans, do you think Daunte got himself a free lap dance? Time in the Champagne Room?

Chicago 19, Minnesota 16: now that's the Rex I remember. The Bears defense is good enough to win 12 games this year, so Chicago will be fine, but no Bears fan can really feel comfortable knowing Rex is captaining the good ship Lovie.

Cincinnati 28, Pittsburgh 20: The Steelers (by which I mean Big Ben) gave this game to the Bengals. It was inexcusable, and now the Steelers are looking at two 3-0 teams in their own division. %$#&.

Carolina 26, Tampa Bay 24: For all of those people who predicted Carolina to win the NFC...it is not happening. They are not good. TB is even worse, and they lost their QB to a ruptured spleen (ouch).

Washington 31, Houston 15: as obvious a call as I have ever made, even with the way the Skins have played this year. Look...Washington is going 8-8. They will beat the teams they are supposed to and lose to anyone good. They have no downfield passing ability and Portis is pretty dinged up. Houston, on the other hand, has no hope whatsoever. It would be better if they just stopped playing football (if you can call it that).

Baltimore 15, Cleveland 14: Thank you to the Browns for not only allowing the Ravens to come back and win, but also playing just well enough to f*ck up the spread. Well done, dogpound. Maybe next time, someone from Cleveland could just take a crap in my Cheerios and be done with it. Mmmm, fiber.

St. Louis 16, Arizona 14: Did not watch this game, mercifully. Looks like Kurt Warner will start another week for the Cardinals. I guess Leinert was busy getting someone else pregnant. If there was ever a guy who should know to use a condom, wouldn't it be a Trojan??

Philadelphia 38, San Fran 24: Eagles rolled pretty well in this one. The defense needs to learn a little more of a killer instinct when it is up instead of allowing the opposition to get cheap scores at the end. The Niners are a 5-11 team. Just good enough to screw themselves out of anyone who could really help in the draft.

Seattle 42, NYG 30: Nowhere near this close. Seattle is the most mystifying team in the NFL. I simply cannot figure them out.

Denver 17, New England 7: I told you NE was done. Jake freaking Plummer just took it to the Patriots.

Saints 23, Atlanta 3: Good for the Saints (even though the game was clearly fixed).

Pool results:

Questionable Commentary: 41
CU Lions: 25
Clown Hater: 16
Geaux Irish: 10
SpragueND: 0 (no submission)
Festering in Dallas: 0 (no submission)

This week: 6-6-1
Y-T-D Results: 16-16-1

If we were wagering $100 on each game (and we had to pay a $10 vig for each loss), current winnings/losings for the year: minus $160.

Wow

Authorities are reporting that Terrell Owens attempted to commit suicide this morning. Story here.

No jokes to be made. Hopefully he gets the help necessary to recover.

There Is a God

Look who got fired today from ESPN. Excuse me while I do the dance of joy.

Sadly, he's probably right about ESPN's censorship. Here at QC, though, we are unconcerned with correctness. We are just happy we don't have to listen to his annoying prattle about Willingham and the evil ND machine. Don't let the door hit you in the (enormous) ass on the way out!

Insanely Bitter

I guess the flipside of how good we all feel about ND's comeback from the dead is this sound clip (posted in the comment section of EDSBS). Fast forward to about the 8-minute mark and then listen for 15 minutes. The host is obviously a huge MSU fan...and he might also be completely insane. It is a beautiful 15 minutes, though.

Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "...what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

End of the Argument

A couple of days ago, I wrote how shortsighted internet columnists were playing up the "Weis and Willingham were both 11-4" angle. The attached article is a definitive answer as to why this argument is total BS. Enjoy.

RU-486 Analysis, Game 4

Notre Dame is trying to kill me. They must be, as that is about the only explanation for the roller coaster ride they took us all on Saturday night. I've listed my customary five things below, but -- taking a broader view of the season -- ND still has a lot of work to do. The defense, while strong at the end (thank Stanton!), still was shredded in the first half. Purdue will not be as easy a win as people are suggesting, but the rest of the schedule does set up well for the Irish to meet USC 11-1. The pass defense better be much improved by the time that happens.

Five Things I Didn't Like

1. Stupid turnovers: this was the theme of the Michigan game as well. The offense and special teams simply needs to stop giving away scoring opportunities with this frequency. UM and MSU are good teams that will capitalize on mistakes (and did). Scoring 19 in the fourth quarter was incredible, but it was an aberration.

2. Inability to run the football: I realize that ND was forced to pass for most of the game to catch up, but even before MSU leaped far ahead, the running game was nonexistent.

3. The wide receivers constantly bitching: seriously, guys, just make the play. Complaining to the ref after every pass play is getting really old very quickly.

4. Arm-tackling by the safeties: Zibby and Ndukwe looked awful in this game. I know MSU has a huge tailback/fullback, but you simply cannot get run over that many times and expect to win a game. They both looked more than a step slow. I love both those guys, but they really need to play a lot better for ND to win 11 games.

5. Bob Davie: someone seriously needs to jab a cattleprod in this guy's scrotum (metaphorically speaking, of course). At every possible opportunity, he denigrated the effort of the Irish and played up the skill of MSU. When the game finally ended, it was all about how MSU blew it (which, of course, they did) and nothing about how ND show resolve and came back and won it. I particularly enjoy his criticism of both teams' clock management skills again.

To review, Bob Davie was the worst coach in the history of college football at clock management. He would still be the coach of ND if he had learned how to effectively manage the clock at the end of the half. He lost at least 7 games during his tenure there due to his retarded monkey clock management. And btw, why doesn't ESPN/ABC just have John Saunders, Mark May and Davie call every game involving ND? That way no announcer could ever be accused of saying something positive about the Irish.

Five Things I Liked

1. Heart: I did not believe we could come back. Not just "would" but "could." I did not see the ability to stop the MSU offense and I certainly did not see the O-line giving Quinn enough time to feel comfortable (btw, Quinn REALLY needs to work on the side-out pass to his left. Terrible right now). The comeback was about MSU's mistakes, but mostly it was about the heart to believe you could come back. Props to Weis for getting the team to believe.

2. The fourth quarter: I wish I had a tape of just the fourth quarter (and by tape, I mean electronically available replay on my computer). I think I would watch it about 70 times this week.

3. The defense when it mattered: Love that these guys were able to step it up and force some turnovers. The last interception was incredible (and was the last TD/interception).

4. Beating MSU: whether we beat UM or not, I feel like the winner at the end of the game should shake the hand of the loser. The rivalry is heated and competitive, but respectful. Playing MSU is like playing basketball at the Y with some jackass that tries to grab your nuts while you rebound. I hope John L. Smith, especially after his utterly classless description of planting the flag, someday realizes what a piece of shit he is.

5. 40-37. 3-1. Go Irish.

NFL Gambling Predictions, Week 3

Very interesting slate of games this week from a gambling perspective. I have some strong opinions about a number of the games, although I could very well be completely wrong about those opinions. We'll know Monday night. The games and my picks are listed below.


New York Jets (+5.5) @ Buffalo Bills: Interesting game considering how well Pennington played in the first game against Tennessee and also how well the Jets played in coming back against the Patriots last week. The Bills have a good defense and a poor offense, but the Jets never play well in Buffalo, so the pick is Buffalo.

Cincinnati Bengals (+2) @ Pittsburgh Steelers: Very tough game for the Steelers, especially considering how poor Big Ben looked on MNF. I refuse to pick against my boys. However, you will note I did not assign this game and points.

Jacksonville Jaguars (+7) @ Indianapolis Colts: Peyton and company have won this one by 7 and 8 points, respectively, last year. I think the Colts are not quite as good as last year and the Jaguars are better than they were last year. The Colts should still win, but Jags cover.

Tennessee Titans (+11) @ Miami Dolphins: Miami is 0-2 and is giving 11 points. Think about that. I wonder if there has ever, in the history of NFL gambling, been a comperable situation. This game strikes me as a total stinker. I'll take the Titans, if only because I think the Jets and Dolphins are similar teams, and the Jets-Titans game was closer than 11.

Washington Redskins (-4) @ Houston Texans (*25): Putting 25 points on the 'Skins is extraordinarily foolhardy and also violates a rule espoused in one of my posts this week. I just cannot see them beating the Texans by fewer than 4. The 'Skins are the middle class of the NFL, and the middle class should stick it to the po'.

Chicago (-3.5) @ Minnesota: The Bears lose something when they play in a dome (that ferocious defense is caged a bit by being inside), and the Vikings are playing well. Plus, at some point, Rex Grossman is going to remember who he is. The Vikings cover. I hope.

Carolina Panthers (-3) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Both teams have performed well under expectations, but I think Carolina is the team that rebounds this week with a win. Chucky grows ever more Chucky-like.

Green Bay Packers (+6.5) @ Detroit Lions: Favre never performs well in the dome in Detroit. Plus, I think he had his one good game of the year last week. Detroit wins big.

Baltimore Ravens (-6.5) @ Cleveland Browns: I hate to say this, but I think the Ravens cover. The Browns are not a good football team, and it will be just my luck that the Ravens open the season 3-0.

St. Louis Rams (-4.5) @ Arizona Cardinals: This spread seems far too large for me, especially with the Cardinals at home. Cardinals cover.

New York Giants (+3.5) @ Seattle Seahawks: (*10) I like the G-Men to cover. Seattle has not shown me anything this year.

Philadelphia Eagles (-6) @ San Francisco 49ers (*15): Eagles win this one by more than a touchdown. San Fran remembers they suck.

Denver Broncos (+7) @ New England Patriots (*1): Way too big a spread on this game. Denver covers, barely.

MNF -- Atlanta @ New Orleans: (*5)If it were not the reopening of the Superdome, I would have this as my 25-point game. Emotion does play a part in pro sports, though, so I'll pick the Falcons to win bt only give it 5 points in the pool.

Total points: 31.

Mumblings and Bumblings

There is no point to the picture; I just found it amusing in a "Man, I forgot how ridiculous that was" kind of way.

Thursday might be my least favorite day of the week (now that I am a "respectable," working stiff). In law school, Thursdays were poker night, while in college, Thursdays were Heartlands night. Both equally enjoyable pasttimes (one obviously more lucrative than the other). Now, Thursdays are another day that is not Friday. At least the conferences have decided to put on some college football (even if it is the normally crappy variety).

In honor of Thursday (a/k/a "that day with basically no redeeming qualities and no good TV shows"), here are some more random musings from the world of sport and beyond:

-- Tiger Woods is apparently really pissed that an Irish newspaper published allegedly fake nude pictures of his wife. That newspaper is absolutely going to get a visit from the most vicious lawyers Tiger can afford. I imagine that's somebody pretty good.

-- Are we certain those pictures are fake? Do we need expert analysis? The readers of this blog are more than available.

-- The White Sox are d-u-n. Thankfully. Ozzie Guillen is, among other things, a very good manager and brilliant baseball mind. Some of the other things are misogynist, racist and a buffoon. I will not mind a few months without some loudmouthed comment from Ozzie. Is it really that difficult to act a little more like Joe Torre or Jim Leyland? Keep in mind I hate the Yankees when thinking about this. I just respect the ability of a manager to get his job done without continually acting like a retarded donkey.

-- If I read one more story about how Ty and Charlie both started 11-4, I think my eyes will start bleeding. Is it possible everyone has forgotten HOW Ty went 8-0? Balls bounced off referees and were intercepted. A slant play against MSU goes for 55 yards while the clock is under 1 minute. Lucky, lucky, lucky. What happened when that luck ran out? Does anyone seriously believe that the two coaches are even remotely similar in terms of ability and/or gameplanning? Please.

-- Good for Richard Branson, who today pledged $3 billion to fight global warming. I find it hard to believe anyone seriously doubts the fact that temperatures have risen in the past few decades, so someone pledging their own personal wealth to combat this deserves some praise. Perhaps, though, he could have pledged $2.995 billion and used some on a day at the spa. 'Cause that dude is freaky looking.

-- Michigan State is only a three-point underdog against ND this weekend. I can't figure out which is scarier: (1) MSU is only a three-point dog or (2) I am not at all convinced we will cover?

-- Did anyone else see the Yakety Sax video of the UM-ND highlights? Michigan blogsters really know how to win with class, I tell you what. No one can ever accuse those guys of totally overreacting. Good on 'ya, boys. Class through and through.

-- Reggie Bush took a crapload of money for him and his parents while playing at USC. Shocking. I understand the argument that coaches cannot watch every player at all times (institutional control issues are always the big ones for the NCAA), but it stands to reason that coaches should be able to watch their best players (i.e. Bush, Bomar, etc.). Pete Carroll really didn't know his star player's parents were living in a 5,000 square foot house? Uh-huh. I hope the NCAA strips the Heisman from Bush and takes a bulldozer to USC's season last year. Won't happen, but a man can dream.

-- Finally, the Phillies are now tied for the wild card lead in the NL. Cue the crushing disappointment of a losing streak in 3...2....1.....

Later.

NFL Pool, Week 3

Here are the games and spreads for this week. Once I've got everyone's picks, I'll post my predictions for the week.

One question of interest: how do you think ND plays this weekend against MSU? Rebound from the domination of the UM game? Or long slide back into mediocrity?

Favorite Spread Underdog

BUFFALO BILLS 5.5 New York Jets

PITTSBURGH STEELERS 2 Cincinnati Bengals

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS 7 Jacksonville Jaguars

MIAMI DOLPHINS 11 Tennessee Titans

Washington Redskins 4 HOUSTON TEXANS

Chicago Bears 3.5 MINNESOTA VIKINGS

Carolina Panthers 3 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

DETROIT LIONS 6.5 Green Bay Packers

Baltimore Ravens 6.5 CLEVELAND BROWNS

ARIZONA CARDINALS 4.5 St. Louis Rams

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS 3.5 New York Giants

Philadelphia Eagles 6 SAN FRANCISCO 49ers

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS 7 Denver Broncos

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Atlanta Falcons PK NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

This is Why Sports Betting Would be a BAD Idea; NFL Recap Week 2

Between the Irish getting housed in South Bend and both my Eagles and Steelers finding ways to lose their games, this was not a good football weekend.

On to the oh-so-painful recap of the week that was and the scores from this week's pool. New entry from New Haven takes the pool this week, narrowly edging out Geaux Irish. Yours truly finishes dead last.

Week 2

New Haven: 51
Geaux Irish: 50
Clown Hater: 31
CU Lions: 16
MPS: 6

On to the recap of the actual games....

Atlanta 14, Tampa Bay 3: Tampa Bay's offense is eerily reminiscent of the Ravens' offense of the past few years -- good skill position players, good defense, atrocious quarterback play. And I have Simms on one of my fantasy teams. Nice call by me. Tampa is in serious trouble due to the division they play in and the quality of those teams. The score to this one would have been even more lopsided if the Falcons kicker didn't resemble the kicker from The Longest Yard (remake). I kicked better at the college football hall of fame in a suit, after drinking a fifth. Questionable Commentary picked Tampa Bay, perhaps for the final time this season.

Chicago 34, Detroit 7: the only game our friend from New Haven chose incorrectly (homerism biting him in the ass). Chicago is not this good, I swear. I refuse to believe that a team with Rex Grossman at the helm is going to win 13 games, even in the dreadful NFC North. QC picked Detroit, which was obviously a mistake. I mean...Rex Grossman?!? Is this a cruel joke?

Cincinnati 34, Cleveland 17: QC actually picked this game correctly (gasps audible from the audience). The Bengals look good, and they certainly look like they are going to annihilate my Steelers come Sunday. Where is Kimo von Olhoffen when you really need him? Cleveland belongs in NFL Europe. I'm sure there is a battle there somewhere for Private Winslow.

New Orleans 34, Green Bay 27: Maybe it was the meth-induced haze, but QC managed to miss picking this game completely. Those fumes are killers, boys. I would probably have hurt myself if forced to watch this brand of football, so better for all that I missed it. Great game for fantasy football, but these two teams will struggle to score this many points again all year. Saints on MNF this week. Can't wait for that one. Oh, wait, yes I can. Maybe I'll catch Deal or No Deal.

Indianapolis 43, Houston 24: Another correct call by QC. Peyton throws for 400 even. I find it hard to believe the official scorer did not help Peyton out a little on this one. "Cause Peyton looks like a badass in those Gatorade commercials. I would be scared of him, too. Until I remembered that the "rebirth of cool" and "Peyton Manning" being mentioned in the same sentence is a grotesque a prostitution of the English language as "Michael Jackson" and "babysitter."

Buffalo 16, Miami 6: Another correct pick for QC. I said this last week: Daunte Culpepper sucks. He is not, nor will he ever be, a very good NFL quarterback. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. Perhaps if he decided to get down to QB-weight instead of starting guard weight, and perhaps if he decided that gangbanging a stripper on a "pleasure cruise" was not bringing the appropriate amount of "focus" to his job...well then maybe he could be very good. But probably not.

Minnesota 16, Carolina 13: Bad call by QC. Minnesota played reasonably well, but in my defense, Carolina wins this game if John Fox avoids imitating a retarded monkey on the backwards pass playcall in the fourth quarter. Big game for the Vikings this week against the Bears. We'll see who's a pretender and who is....generally less of a pretender.

Giants 30, Eagles 24: Picked this one correctly, although I should have lost it (and would have been happier had that been the case). There is no excuse -- none -- for blowing a 17-point lead in the fourth quarter. At home. The overtime play that won the game for the Giants was pathetic. Looked like ND's corners out there. The Eagles can win the NFC East, but not if they give away these kind of games.

Baltimore 28, Oakland 6: QC correct. Oakland is the worst team in football. Gambling against them, however, puts the lipstick on the pig for me. Suey, baby. Baltimore is 2-0, but the still the leader in crack use and prostitution. I wonder if those statistics go up or down depending on if the game is at home and whether the Ravens win??

SF 20, St. Louis 13: Very bad pick by QC on this one. I did not think there was any way SF was going to win this game. People who really like NFC West football are the same kind of people who really enjoy watching two random college teams on a Thursday night. It's football, yes, but even addicts should have a line. I'm just saying.

Seattle 21, Arizona 10: Seattle has scored 30 points the entire year and is 2-0. You figure it out. They'll probably go 12-4 or 13-3 (likely 6-0 or 5-1 in the division) and get a bye into the playoffs. I'm sure they'll get screwed by the officials, though. It couldn't be that there a soft-ass team with no ability to hit anyone in the mouth. Must be the officials. QC missed this one, dammit.

Denver 9, KC 6: I went blind halfway through watching this game. Anyone know what happened? I picked it correctly, but sweet Jeebus, what are they doing to football in Denver and KC? Did the NFL expand recently like baseball? Did all of the quality QBs have Total Recall-like lobotomies?

NE 24, NY Jets 17: QC missed this one by one point. And Tom Brady f'ed me on his fantasy stats (again). On the upside for him, his alma mater looked pretty good this week. Fascists.

San Diego 40, Tennessee 7: QC's worst pick of the week. Play Vince Young now, Tennessee. The stadium should have an inscription over the door reading "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate".

Dallas 27, Washington 10: No more picks by QC knowing I am going to have to watch the actual game. Knew Dallas was going to win this one. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The Redskins are baaaad. Jump from the ship now.

Jacksonville 9, Pittsburgh 0: %$#^&#^##!!!! Are you kidding me? With the Bengals coming this week, the Steelers really could have used this game.

This week: 6-9-0
Y-T-D Results: 10-10-0

If we were wagering $100 on each game (and we had to pay a $10 vig for each loss), current winnings/losings for the year: $100.